Why I Can’t ‘Just’ Go to Bed

home insemination Kit

I’ve been running on fumes for what feels like a decade. Honestly, I’ve lost track of how long it’s been. All I know is that, like many parents, I live in a constant state of sleep deprivation. Seriously, how do we function at all?

When our kids are newborns, we’re in the trenches of exhaustion because babies don’t care if we need a solid eight hours; we are now at their beck and call! Still, we cling to a glimmer of hope. “Once the baby sleeps through the night, I’ll finally catch up on sleep,” we tell ourselves, blissfully naive.

Fast forward to now: my youngest is 4, and I’m still waiting for that well-rested feeling.

By 6:30 PM, I start yawning like it’s an Olympic sport. But there’s still too much on my to-do list—dinner, clean-up, homework, baths, and the never-ending bedtime routine. I grit my teeth against the fatigue and power through. By the time I’ve finally tucked the kids in, I look like I just walked out of a horror movie, dark circles under my eyes big enough to have their own zip code.

“Just go to bed,” my husband says, with that annoying helpfulness of his, while he hops into bed and is snoring in three minutes flat.

I can’t help but envy his ability to “just” turn off like a light switch. Every night, I promise myself I’ll get a good night’s sleep, but the moment I head to the bedroom, a series of seemingly innocent distractions derail my plans.

Here’s how it typically goes:

• I head upstairs, ready for bed. Did I lock the front door? I don’t think I did. So back downstairs I go.
• Passing the bathroom, I spot a pile of clothes I missed during laundry day (because why would my family use the hamper?). I grab them and head to the laundry room.
• I find my son’s favorite T-shirt and know he’ll need it tomorrow, so I start a load of laundry. I can just toss it in the dryer in the morning.
• I notice the dog’s water bowl is empty, so I refill it.
• What’s that smell? Ugh, the trash! I can’t wake up to that odor, so I take it out and put in a new bag.
• We’re running low on trash bags, so I grab my grocery list. What else did I need? Oh right, hair spray!
• Oh no! I forgot about the canned food drive. I rummage through the pantry for items. SpaghettiOs, clam chowder—perfect!
• While I’m at it, I remember I need to sign my son’s homework folder. Better do that now.
• I set the backpacks by the door, which reminds me I should check the front lock. And now I’m really going to bed.
• But wait, did I lock the back door?
• On my way to check it, I trip over a lone shoe. I might as well find the other one to avoid a morning panic. Why can’t they just put them away?
• While I’m at it, I step in something sticky. Off I go for paper towels, realizing I need a new roll from the laundry room. And hey, look, there are only 10 minutes left on the wash cycle!
• I clean up the mess and decide to unload the dishwasher while I wait.
• While I’m in the kitchen, I might as well pack lunches for tomorrow. The washer beeps, but I finish making sandwiches first.
• I go to transfer the laundry and find a load already in the dryer. Great. I’ll just fold it to save my husband from a wrinkly shirt.
• It wouldn’t hurt to lay out the kids’ clothes for school too.
• Finally, I’m truly going to bed.
• Except I still need to brush my teeth, wash my face, and apply wrinkle cream—how ironic!

And even though I’m exhausted, once my head hits the pillow, I’m suddenly wide awake. I tell myself, “I’ll just check my email,” but that leads me down a rabbit hole of articles and social media. Meanwhile, my husband is snoring like he’s auditioning for a chainsaw competition beside me.

Oh wait—didn’t we just get a notice about our cable payment being overdue? Maybe I should check that…

If you’re looking for more about the challenges of parenting and home insemination, check out this post for some tips. And for couples on a fertility journey, Make a Mom has fantastic resources to help you along the way. Also, Drugs.com offers excellent support for those dealing with infertility issues.

In summary, the struggle to simply “go to bed” is real for parents. With endless tasks and distractions, it’s a wonder we ever get any rest. But even when we finally do manage to crawl into bed, sleep can be elusive as the chaos of the day lingers in our minds.