There’s a popular quote floating around, attributed to Matthew McConaughey: “The best thing you can do as a father is show your kids how you love their mother.” As a dad of three who grew up in a fractured family, I can wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment.
I still remember the day my dad left my mom. It was a scene etched in my mind: Mom sobbing in the family car, hands gripping the steering wheel as if she might drive away but couldn’t find the strength. Meanwhile, Dad was busy stuffing clothes into a duffle bag, and the sound of slamming doors and muffled cries still haunts me. The silence that followed was thick and heavy, a stark reminder of what was lost.
I often reflect on that moment, and I’m determined that my kids will never witness such pain. I want them to feel secure in knowing that their father loves their mother deeply, and that he is faithful to her. Yet, growing up in the ’80s, where it became almost acceptable for fathers to walk out on their families, left me unsure about how to be a good husband and father. I’m sure there are other parents who relate to this struggle.
What I do know is that the way I treat my wife, Sarah, is mirrored in our children’s behavior. Our kids, aged nine, seven, and two, are astute observers. While Mel and I don’t argue often, they notice when we do. Their curious glances from the couch during a disagreement show me just how much they absorb.
On the flip side, they light up when we go out on date nights. They bombard us with questions about where we went and what we did—it’s important to them. I make it a point to buy Sarah flowers once a month, which has had a significant impact on our kids too. I want my son, Max, to see me show affection for his mother because I never had that example growing up. I want him to understand the importance of romance and kindness in a marriage. And for my daughters, Mia and Zoe, I want them to expect that kind of love, so they’ll seek partners who value those gestures.
I don’t want my children to feel lost or confused about what love looks like. I want them to know, without a doubt, that I cherish their mother above all else. To accomplish this, I must demonstrate that love through actions.
The reality of marriage and family life is that love is a verb; it requires ongoing effort. It’s not just something you fall into and then ignore. Love manifests in a multitude of ways: sweet texts, affectionate hugs, date nights, and shared responsibilities. It’s about stepping up to give your partner a break and finding compromises that work for everyone.
Expressing love in front of your kids is crucial. Saying “I’m sorry” when you’re wrong, or “I love you” regularly reinforces that bond. Every time I tell Max I love his mother, he rolls his eyes, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world—and you know what? That’s perfect! He knows that his parents love each other, and that gives him a solid foundation.
But let’s face it: if you don’t show the mother of your children that you love her, what message are you sending? For my dad, it was indifference and avoidance, a painful silence that replaced the love they once shared.
After being married for over a decade, I finally understand what went wrong in my parents’ relationship and what I need to do to be a better husband and father than I had. Dads, let me tell you this: your marriage and family life will improve—the warmth and functionality of your home will flourish—if you demonstrate your love through actions.
It’s the essential oil that keeps the gears of marriage turning and what your kids need to feel secure in their family. Trust me, it’s the best investment you can make.
For more insights on navigating family life, check out our article on home insemination techniques here, and if you’re interested in fertility resources, Make a Mom is a fantastic authority on the subject. Additionally, Hopkins Medicine provides excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
To summarize, showing love through actions is essential for fathers. It shapes not only your relationship with your partner but also how your children perceive love and relationships. By consistently demonstrating affection, respect, and care, you create a positive environment for your kids, ensuring that they grow up with a clear understanding of the importance of love in a family.