My partner and I have an ongoing debate—well, several, really. One of the most pressing is whether or not “Moulin Rouge!” is a cinematic masterpiece (it isn’t, in my opinion). However, the one that truly gets us talking is about parenting.
She believes I raise my voice too often. I’m not here to argue; she’s right. Lately, my yelling has become more frequent, especially since our eldest just turned 6 and is as lively as ever. He was a sweet little angel at ages 2, 3, 4, and 5, but now he’s transformed into a whirlwind of energy. Add to that a newly mobile baby brother who’s teething, experiencing the delightful 9-month sleep regression, and making a sport out of bumping into every piece of furniture, and you can imagine it’s a bit chaotic. Managing both of them at once often feels overwhelming. My stress levels are through the roof, my patience is non-existent, and I’m constantly on edge.
Instead of embodying the calm and collected dad I aspire to be, I find myself yelling—quickly, frequently, and sometimes without much provocation. I’m always simmering just below the surface, and it creates a tense atmosphere at home. Every time my son talks back, throws a tantrum, or simply refuses to cooperate, I go from a simmer to a boil in no time. (Honestly, it’s more like a slow boil; I start at a 30 and rush to 60.)
I fully recognize that my tendency to yell isn’t ideal. I need to be better. I must remind myself that my 6-year-old is just that—a 6-year-old—and can’t always manage his impulses. I’m the adult here, and it’s my duty to model the behavior I want to see in my kids. They’re always watching, even when I don’t realize it, and they’ll imitate what they observe. I’m already seeing my own reactions mirrored in my son’s behavior, which only adds to my responsibilities: I need to rein in my own negative tendencies to prevent them from taking root in him. Parenting is such a joy!
My partner has her own approach, but I’m not sure she’s cracked the code either. While I might go from 30 to 60, she escalates from zero to 100. She stays calm for quite a while, but when her frustrations build up, she explodes like a volcano.
I know it’s not beneficial for my mental health or my relationship with my kids to be one minor annoyance away from losing it. My partner might worry less about her occasional eruptions since she maintains her cool most of the time. But when she finally snaps, it’s a shocker—it gets the kids’ attention and probably has a more lasting impact than my constant barking.
Yet, her method isn’t necessarily healthier. Just because she appears calm doesn’t mean she isn’t stressed. The theory is that I should feel less burdened since I express my stress frequently, but in practice, it often feels like I’m the one carrying the heavier load. I’m usually on edge, making my kids fear me, while my partner keeps her cool until she can’t anymore. Her outbursts can be startling, but once they’re over, she’s right back to being herself. Maybe I should consider her “hold it in until I burst” strategy.
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In summary, navigating the chaos of parenting can be challenging, especially when it comes to managing our reactions. My partner and I have different approaches, but both have their pros and cons. As we continue to learn and grow, we realize that finding balance is key—whether it’s through a calm demeanor or a more expressive style.