I’m not sure if it’s a societal issue, a basic human trait, or just something we women do, but I’ve noticed that many moms have a knack for downplaying their own awesomeness.
“Oh, those cupcakes weren’t anything special,” says the mom who spent hours crafting edible masterpieces for the school carnival. “I’m not really great at this,” says the mother who somehow juggled work, helped with homework, managed a tween meltdown, and still found time for a date night. “It’s not like I’m the only one who’s done this,” says the woman who grew a tiny human inside her, gave birth, and nourished that little miracle—using her own body!
When faced with compliments, it seems some of us have a tendency to diminish our achievements or even outright insult ourselves. Here’s why I think we do this, and why we should stop.
We Think We Don’t Deserve Recognition.
Some folks find it tough to feel positive about themselves. This discomfort can stem from a childhood steeped in guilt and shame, but it doesn’t always have to. Self-esteem can be a tricky game. But let’s get real: if you don’t deserve praise, then neither does anyone else! You are just as valuable and deserving as the next person. It might take a little practice, but try letting compliments stand unchallenged. You don’t need to blow your own trumpet, but you also don’t have to tear yourself down when someone else is trying to lift you up.
We Mistake Self-Deprecation for Humility.
Humility is a noble quality, but self-deprecation isn’t the same thing. It’s not admirable to criticize ourselves, and we don’t have to belittle ourselves to avoid coming off as arrogant. One of the most gracious people I know is a woman who gives fantastic speeches. After one presentation, I saw her respond to compliments by simply saying, “Thank you. That’s so kind of you.” She acknowledged the compliment and returned it with a heartfelt compliment of her own. Her humility elevated those around her, while self-deprecation merely invites others to reassure us. Definitely not the same thing.
We Fear Rejection.
Confidence can feel risky. When we embrace our own greatness, we open ourselves up to potential criticism, which can be intimidating. Many of us resort to self-deprecation as a defense mechanism, thinking it will cushion the blow if someone decides to judge us. But here’s the kicker: we’re really just hurting ourselves. The safety we seek comes at a cost. Most self-deprecating individuals would never dream of belittling a friend’s achievements, so why do we do it to ourselves? Treat yourself with the same kindness and respect you’d show a loved one.
Moms, especially, need to stop this cycle of self-deprecation. We’re not doing our kids any favors when we portray motherhood as less challenging or less significant than it truly is. Motherhood is tough and incredibly important, and it’s high time our children recognize that. If we downplay our daily efforts, how can we advocate for better maternal care, improved family leave, and more support for both working and stay-at-home moms?
By devaluing our contributions, what message are we sending to our kids? They learn from our actions more than our words. Are we teaching them to respect us as women and mothers? Are we modeling healthy self-worth and confidence? We can’t expect our children to believe they are strong and capable if we constantly undermine our own strength.
So, mamas, own your brilliance and celebrate it in one another! Our efforts in raising wonderful kids deserve acknowledgment. When someone compliments your parenting, your style, or your accomplishments, try responding with a simple, “Thank you. You’re so kind.” Embrace your greatness, and the world will follow suit.
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In summary, let’s shed the habit of self-deprecation and embrace our strengths, both as individuals and as mothers. We’re doing amazing things and we deserve to be recognized for it!