About a year back, my son, Max, dashed into the house sporting rollerblades. He had been outside, zipping around the yard with the hose on, a short, stocky kid clad in a school polo and khaki shorts, soaking himself and yelling with glee. Now, he came in, dripping wet, and declared that he needed to pee.
I was on the couch folding laundry when I heard him squish across the kitchen floor. “Max,” I said, “please take off your rollerblades and dry off before you come in.” It seemed straightforward to me. I wanted to protect our floors, but more importantly, I knew that attempting to use the bathroom in wet rollerblades would require a skill set he simply didn’t have. Heck, I’m an adult, and I doubt I could pull that off without disaster.
Still, being 8, he ignored my request. He confidently sauntered past me toward the restroom, his chin held high. He looked like he was saying, “I’ve got this!” Just as he was about to enter the hallway, I called out, “Buddy! Do you really think you can manage that? You’re going to hurt yourself!”
“I have to go, Dad,” he replied, dismissively.
I didn’t buy it. I knew he wasn’t in dire need; he was just being a bit lazy. I could have easily yanked him back, removed the rollerblades, wrapped him in a towel, and sent him off to the restroom. But I refrained. I wanted him to grasp the lesson that comes from natural consequences.
I’ve heard the phrase “Let your kids make their own choices” countless times, and as a parent, I can attest that it’s easier said than done. After a decade of fatherhood and now with my third child, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve prevented my kids from falling off beds or forced them to finish their homework to avoid the repercussions at school. But now that I’m in my 30s, I’m learning to step back and allow my children to experience their mistakes.
Yet, I’m still a relatively young parent, and the full spectrum of my kids learning from their errors often feels elusive. They might ignore my warnings, get hurt, and then go right back to the same behavior. It can feel like I’m the sole voice of reason on a sinking ship, pleading with them to steer clear of disaster. Sometimes, when they make embarrassing or rude mistakes around friends, I wonder if they’ll ever realize how they’re coming across since no one else seems to call them out. In those moments, I question if I need to intervene more.
As Max headed into the bathroom and locked the door, I was torn between hope that he’d gain a valuable lesson and doubt that he ever would. That’s the tricky part about letting kids face natural consequences—there’s no guaranteed method for teaching them.
I reflected on my own upbringing. My mom used to get on my case for strutting around in my underwear, living off junk food, or rollerblading inside. I pulled the same stunts Max does today. To curb my juvenile choices, my mom employed a mix of tactics—she offered advice, stepped in for genuinely dangerous situations, and let me learn from my own missteps when it was safe.
That’s why this incident with Max sticks with me so vividly. I voiced my concerns, explained my reasoning, and then let him learn on his own.
Suddenly, I heard a loud thump from the bathroom. I wasn’t sure if he was mid-pee or how hard he fell, but he was in there for a while. When he finally emerged, he was still wet from playing outside, making it tough to tell if he had an accident. His eyes were slightly red from crying, and he held his rollerblades tightly. I wanted to lecture him, but I stopped myself. He was clearly holding onto his pride. Deep down, I sensed he had learned something important.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
He didn’t elaborate on what happened; he merely nodded.
“Next time, will you take off your rollerblades?”
He nodded again and walked outside.
In moments like these, it’s crucial to remember that sometimes the best lessons come from letting our kids face the consequences of their actions. If you’re curious about more parenting tips or insights on home insemination, check out this informative piece on natural consequences.
In conclusion, while it can be challenging to step back and allow our children to learn from their mistakes, it’s an essential part of their growth. Finding the right balance between guidance and freedom is key.