The Burden of the Firstborn Child

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The Burden of the Firstborn Child

by Kelly Harper

November 20, 2016

We often hear about the plight of the second-born child, but what about the firstborn? These little ones receive an avalanche of attention and gifts, all while their parents figure out their way through parenthood. They’re the ones who, much to the dismay of pampered pets, climb to the top of the family hierarchy, booting the furry companions from their cozy spots and precious walks. What’s their story?

I’m not a firstborn myself; I’m firmly under the spell of the second-born’s woes. I’ve always felt that we second-borns drew the short straw, but as I’ve watched my eldest grow, I’ve started to notice some unsettling truths about the firstborn’s burden. It seems their stick is much guier than mine will ever be.

At 17 months, my first daughter’s world took a massive hit when we brought her baby sister home. The moment she laid eyes on the newborn, she marched right up and gave her a good smack on the head. Bam! It was a sign of things to come. Although she was too young to grasp the complexities of birth order, she sensed her throne had been usurped by this squawking little blob, while she was still above the family pets. No longer the center of our universe, she had to adjust to being a sibling.

One of the most significant aspects of this burden is the loss of attention and how it shapes their personality. They wonder where all the love has gone and why they’ve been sidelined for a squishy creature that smells like spoiled milk. At this point, the firstborn has two choices: strive for perfection to win back affection or take a more chaotic route by making life miserable for everyone around them.

Most firstborns will try the former, exhibiting stellar behavior and taking on chores to earn praise. On the flip side, some think that effort is a waste and resort to trying to eliminate the competition. Parents are foolish to leave their newborns unattended, even for a brief moment! I know one firstborn who was found gleefully bouncing on top of his little sibling, inadvertently performing the Heimlich maneuver and causing a fountain of spit-up to cascade over the baby’s head.

Firstborns may eventually harbor resentment towards their more mischievous siblings, who can be a real handful. They typically exhibit impressive self-control, but push them too far, and you’ll see a transformation into an unrecognizable, wild creature. Such episodes can be quite shocking for parents, who often realize they’ve set unrealistically high expectations for their firstborn’s maturity. They promise to give more attention to their oldest, but with that pesky second-born causing chaos, the firstborn slips back into the role of the perfectionist, reorganizing toy bins and Tupperware, hoping to catch their parents’ eye.

If you have a firstborn determined to retain their crown, they will stop at nothing to undermine that little sibling. From subtle emotional manipulation to outright sabotage, their tactics can be quite cunning. The only way parents can cope is to invest in some quality anti-anxiety meds and ride it out. This could take 18 years, but eventually, it will settle down. Some desperate parents might even eye the family dog’s shock collar, considering how it might help with their little troublemaker, but they quickly come to their senses, remembering they don’t want jail time.

Looking at my firstborn, I can’t help but feel a wave of sadness that our special time was cut short when the baby arrived. She’s been forced to mature faster and watch her sister get away with all sorts of mischief. I know I couldn’t have changed the circumstances, but I wish I had more energy to cherish our moments together and reassure her that she’s still my queen.

Regardless, she’s blossomed into a wonderful child, and I’m confident that the firstborn’s burden will drive her to seize life and accomplish great things. She’s determined, full of love, and will always be my precious firstborn.

If you’re interested in learning more about the intricacies of family dynamics, check out this insightful article on home insemination. For those exploring their own fertility journeys, Make A Mom is a fantastic resource. And for comprehensive information on infertility and reproductive health, visit the CDC’s FAQ.

In summary, the life of a firstborn is a complex tapestry woven with the threads of attention, responsibility, and sibling rivalry. They navigate the delicate balance of striving for parental approval while grappling with the challenges of sharing the spotlight. Ultimately, the firstborn emerges with resilience, ready to tackle life with a fierce spirit.