Updated: April 11, 2018
Originally Published: November 22, 2016
“Is she still nursing at 2?” a well-meaning stranger asked about my toddler. “Isn’t that a bit old?”
Nope, but I appreciate your concern.
“And still in diapers at 3, huh?” another person remarked. “Isn’t that a tad late?”
No, but thank you for your thoughts.
The number of times I’ve heard people question whether a child is too old for things like using a bottle, sucking on a pacifier, or riding in a stroller is countless. Kids in elementary school who cling to a beloved blanket often get raised eyebrows, while a 3-year-old still figuring out the toilet might get a disapproving look. And then there are the grumpy adults who grumble about teens trick-or-treating, even when they’ve gone all out in costume.
Did I miss the memo that there are strict age limits for everything?
We seem to have this bizarre belief that with every birthday, there’s an arbitrary cutoff for certain behaviors. There’s a worry that if kids hold onto something for too long, they’ll somehow be hindered in their development. Or, parents are judged for letting their children engage in what’s deemed “not normal” behavior.
Sure, a tiny fraction of parents might hold their kids back for questionable reasons, and some habits do need to be phased out within a reasonable timeframe. But here’s the crux: it’s not for random onlookers or nosy neighbors to dictate.
There’s so much we can’t understand from a distance. The teen who can’t sleep without her teddy bear? She might be dealing with anxiety. The older child in the grocery cart might just look years older than he actually is. The tween still believing in Santa? Maybe they just adore the magic of fantasy. And that 8-year-old who prefers sleeping in their parents’ room? They could come from a culture where that’s totally normal.
Sometimes, it’s all about different priorities. My youngest is now 7, and I can hardly lift him anymore, so I rarely do. But I carried all my kids when they tired, until I physically couldn’t. Some may see that as coddling, but I view it as compassion. If I could carry my husband or my mom when they were worn out, I definitely would!
None of us should pass judgment on what’s best for another family. If I spot a child who seems too old for something, I remember how others have judged my kids without knowing the full story. I remind myself that every family and child is unique, and unless there’s a significant health or safety concern, it’s not my place to have an opinion—or voice it.
If you see a child engaging in an activity that seems too mature, ask yourself: Is this child actually being harmed? What don’t I know about this family? Is it really any of my business? Why does it even bother me? Kids grow and mature at their own pace, and they eventually leave behind just about everything. Unless you’re a professional psychologist with a deep understanding of a child’s circumstances, there’s no reason to judge if a kid is “too old” for something.
You do you, and let other families navigate their own paths.
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Summary:
In parenting, there’s often pressure to conform to arbitrary age expectations regarding behaviors like breastfeeding, toilet training, or even trick-or-treating. It’s essential to recognize that every child develops at their own pace and that external judgments often miss the bigger picture. Ultimately, parents should make choices based on their unique circumstances without concern for outside opinions.