I Have Mom Friends, But I’m Searching for a Mom Tribe—There’s a Distinction

home insemination Kit

When my kids were little, I had a solid group of six to eight mom pals. Every Monday, we gathered at Lisa’s place, kids in tow—babies in arms, toddlers testing their walking skills, and the older kids who ran wild, showing the littler ones how to scale the baby gate.

Our potlucks were legendary. The most popular mom would bring a tray of chicken nuggets, while we indulged in cake, cheese, and sweet tea. We shared stories, advice, and a lot of laughs. Lisa even taught one mom how to nurse lying down so she could steal a few z’s. We swapped baby-wearing techniques and talked about everything from co-sleeping to feeding strategies. It was a real mom tribe, and I loved every chaotic moment.

Then Lisa moved away, and everything changed.

I used to connect with other moms from my local babywearing group, but when I stopped wearing my baby as often and my 5-year-old started acting out during meetings, I drifted away. That was tough, especially since we had supported one another through a heartbreaking loss. But once the Facebook drama began, I bolted.

Now, I find myself without a true mom tribe, and it honestly stinks.

Sure, I have mom friends—plenty of them! There’s one who’s always up for kayaking, another who shares my passion for writing, a friend who has a knack for making me laugh, and a few homeschooling moms. But I can’t seem to fit in with the homeschooling crowd, who are perpetually busy. The moms at one co-op are lovely, but I sense they’re more about seeing Christ in me than building genuine connections.

To top it off, three of my closest mom friends have moved in the past year and a half. The last one just took off for Ohio, and she was one of the last people I could count on to meet me for a spontaneous Target run. Now, I’m down to just one mom who’ll join me for shopping trips.

We used to roam Target together, not just to shop, but for fun. Now I trudge through the aisles alone with my kids, which is a much crankier and whinier experience. I buy fewer impulse items that would have turned out fabulous on me, and my Starbucks budget has shrunk. My kids couldn’t care less about clearance deals, and I miss having someone to share that thrill with.

Even worse, finding someone to babysit has become a challenge. I used to have three reliable sitters, but now, with everyone’s busy schedules, I hesitate to ask my homeschooling friends for help. I know I’d disrupt their whole academic day. I trust a couple of mom friends with my oldest, but I’m hesitant to leave my toddler with anyone else.

Scheduling my doctor appointments is now a logistical nightmare. I have to ensure they fall after 4 p.m. on days when my husband is home, or hope he can meet me at the doctor’s office. I’m still dealing with a blocked duct in my eye because getting an appointment with an eye specialist feels impossible. Forget about the gyno, regular check-ups, or even a chance to pamper myself at the salon—those are just distant dreams.

What I miss most, though, is the invaluable advice. A solid mom tribe is like a barometer for what’s “normal” kid behavior. Is it typical for a 6-year-old to throw tantrums? When should I officially retire the cloth diapers? I want someone to reassure me that it’s okay my 5-year-old hasn’t mastered the alphabet yet or that my 6-year-old can’t tie his shoes. And let’s be honest, we all crave those compliments. Sometimes, we just need that validation.

The internet can fill some gaps. I’ve got a fierce online community of moms who’ve got each other’s backs, cheering each other on and answering questions. But we lack playdates and casual nights out; it’s just a screen between us, no matter how much we care. It’s both a blessing and a curse.

There’s no surefire way to create a mom tribe. It either forms organically or it doesn’t. I’m left to be friendly, avoid drama, and hope that a group will materialize around me like a sudden storm. Whether you’re into formula feeding, co-sleeping, or any parenting style in between—I don’t care anymore. As long as you’re up for hitting Target, you’re in!

If you’re interested in other parenting topics, check out our post on home insemination for more insights. And for those considering at-home options, Cryobaby is an excellent authority in this area. For broader information on fertility treatments, UCSF offers fantastic resources.

In summary, finding your mom tribe can be a challenge, but nurturing connections with mom friends is equally valuable. Whether online or in person, the support and camaraderie are what truly matter.