By: Jamie Carter
Motherhood can be an emotional rollercoaster, a vibrant swirl of joy, love, anger, and anxiety—all jumbled together like a chaotic abstract painting. It’s this wild emotional blend that often leaves us feeling overwhelmed and unsure about how to navigate our feelings, let alone our thoughts.
Not only does motherhood present a puzzling mix of emotions, but it also taps into our instincts. We may struggle to articulate our beliefs about attachment parenting, co-sleeping, or breastfeeding, but we feel those convictions in our very core.
One of those powerful instincts is the fierce need to protect our little ones, often referred to as the inner Mama Bear. This instinct can lead to sudden waves of emotion—intense protectiveness mixed with fear, anger, and frustration. When our kids face any threat, we’re ready to leap into action, fueled by a primal urge that seems to blur our judgment. Mama Bear is fierce and formidable, but sometimes she needs a reality check.
I’ll never forget the first time I went into full Mama Bear mode. My son, Ethan, was reprimanded by another parent on the playground after an incident involving her child. Sure, Ethan had made a mistake, but in my eyes, so had that other parent and her “innocent” kid. Logic? Out the window. Rationality? Absent. I was furious. How dare she scold my child? How could she presume to know the whole story?
The protectiveness I felt was accompanied by embarrassment and frustration toward my own son. I started replaying the incident in my mind until it morphed into a colossal issue. I felt like a terrible parent, convinced that I was raising a future delinquent. I wanted to swoop in and erase the problem, but who was I aiming to attack? The other parent? My son? Mama Bear can be intense, but she doesn’t always think clearly.
There’s likely a scientific explanation for this Mama Bear surge of protectiveness, but in the age of helicopter parenting, social media scrutiny, and rampant defensiveness, it’s becoming increasingly pronounced. Many parents feel justified in calling out any misbehavior, however minor, convinced they’re just “looking out for their child.”
Here’s my take: that’s a bunch of nonsense. Just because you feel protective doesn’t give you the right to be rude, especially to another child. Also, let’s be real: every kid can be a bit of a jerk sometimes. Mine do, and yours probably do too. They’re kids! Mistakes are part of growing up—and guess what? We adults make them too.
So, what if we took a step back instead of unleashing our Mama Bear instincts? What if we encouraged our children to address their conflicts themselves rather than rushing in to shield them? What if we acknowledged that our “perfect” kids might also share some responsibility in the fray? What if we accepted that growing up involves navigating conflict?
Five years ago, when I first encountered that parent scolding Ethan, I was ready to explode. I was furious not only at her but also at him for making me look bad. But he was just a little kid who learned a valuable lesson after making a mistake.
Yes, that Mama Bear instinct to protect might be natural, but it doesn’t always serve us well. So take a deep breath and chill out, Mama Bears. The kids will be just fine.
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In summary, it’s essential to recognize that while the Mama Bear instinct is strong, not every situation calls for an emotional outburst. Instead, let’s focus on empowering our kids to learn and grow from their experiences.