“Duck rhymes with the F-word. The bad one.”
Oh boy, we just sidestepped a minefield.
“The one spelled f-u-c-k.”
This little gem was shouted by our 6-year-old, at rock concert volume, in a packed New Orleans eatery during a holiday gathering. You could practically hear the collective gasps. A few adults glanced over with knowing smirks, while others shot us disapproving looks. Two kids turned to their parents for clarification, and one particularly poised woman shook her head in judgment.
“That’s correct, sweetheart, but it’s not appropriate for you to discuss,” I replied, trying to keep my cool. “Also, let’s use our indoor voice. Thanks!”
My husband and I returned to our gumbo and the exciting topic of the upcoming Tennessee football game. Meanwhile, our kid went back to coloring a blue duck on her menu. The judgmental lady continued her silent disapproval.
Despite her clear discontent, my husband and I weren’t fazed by our child’s expanding vocabulary. Here’s the scoop:
I Want My Child to Know All the Words.
While my little one can whip up a fantastic drawing of a castle, she mainly uses words to communicate. I’ve never seen her request snacks through interpretive dance, nor has she ever asked for help reading by crafting a heartfelt poem.
To express herself effectively, she needs to learn all the words. Understanding the difference between “eager” and “anxious,” or “frustrated” and “angry” is essential. At 6, she’s on a word-collecting spree, figuring out their meanings and relationships.
To explore this vast linguistic landscape, she needs the freedom to experiment with language. So, we allow her to do just that.
She Needs to Learn to Use Words Responsibly.
When my child drops the F-bomb, I can explain that it’s inappropriate in certain situations, and then address her age. If she insists on pushing the issue, I can impose safe and age-appropriate consequences. After all, knowing how to use words wisely is crucial.
Let’s assume, like our judgmental friend, that discussing the F-word is totally off-limits for her right now. But what happens when my teenage daughter, away from my watchful eye, uses that same word? A bystander might mistake her intent, leading to a heated exchange that escalates quickly—resulting in hurt feelings or worse. I’d rather endure the glares of fellow diners than risk my child’s safety over a single word.
I Don’t Want Words to Have Power Over My Child.
Words wield incredible power: they can uplift, inspire, or devastate. My daughter, a beautiful blend of cultures, was adopted by two parents who look nothing like her. She’s competitive, outspoken, and sometimes just plain aggressive.
There will be numerous chances for words to be turned into weapons against her. We’ll tackle those challenges when they arise. But for now, I refuse to inflate the importance of an already powerful construct, especially if my response would only serve to make it more potent. There are appropriate contexts for every word. If I react with horror or amusement to the sharpest of words, I risk dulling her understanding of their true power and hinder her ability to use them wisely in the future.
While she might know the word, she certainly doesn’t grasp its full meaning—much like her confusion between “F-word” and “clothes hamper.” Instead of fighting fire with fire, we choose to sidestep that blaze and focus on bigger parenting questions, such as, “Is this the best approach right now?” So far, the answer has been a resounding “heck yes.”
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Summary:
In this article, we explore the reasons why parents shouldn’t scold their children for using words like the F-bomb. Emphasizing the importance of vocabulary development, responsible word use, and not giving undue power to language, we advocate for a more relaxed approach to children’s language exploration. By fostering an environment where kids can learn about words without fear, we prepare them for the complexities of communication in a world where language wields significant influence.