7 Ways to Flourish During the Holidays After a Divorce

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Navigating life post-divorce can feel like a balancing act, especially when the holiday season rolls around. You’ve managed to get yourself and your kids on a positive path, but as Halloween approaches, that familiar anxiety about Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and Christmas creeps in. You glance at the calendar, knowing these celebrations will be here sooner than you think.

If you’ve just finalized your divorce, you might find yourself flipping through the holiday custody decree—likely still pristine and neatly stapled. Fast forward a few years, and it’s a different story; mine looks like it survived a tornado—highlighted, wrinkled, and adorned with remnants of coffee, tears, and the occasional splash of wine. Many families split holidays between even and odd years, sometimes amicably swapping dates, while other times, you cling to the schedule like it’s a life raft.

And let’s not forget those rare occasions when you and your ex decide to ditch the plan for a more harmonious celebration together for the kids’ sake. Regardless of your situation, remember this: it’s all perfectly normal. Whether you’re hosting a big festive gathering or just trying to survive, you must prioritize your well-being along with your children’s.

If you find yourself in the camp of creating a unified holiday spirit, kudos to you! Your efforts will surely leave lasting memories for your kids. But if you’re struggling to even muster that energy, you’re not alone. Social media is rife with heartwarming tales of ex-spouses who have achieved a mythical level of maturity, but not everyone has that kind of relationship. Sometimes, deep-seated issues prevent a friendly co-parenting arrangement. As long as your boundaries protect you and your kids—without hindering their relationship with the other parent—you’re doing just fine.

Many of you are still in survival mode, especially when it comes to letting the kids go, even if just for a night. Watching them leave can feel like your heart is being unraveled. Christmas morning might arrive with an eerie silence that feels foreign and empty. For some, this is a harsh reality, and it’s okay to acknowledge that it hurts.

The silver lining? You will get through it, and so will your children. Each holiday season may bring its challenges, but with time, the feelings can become more manageable. It’s natural to reminisce about the past, but equally important is to embrace the present. Focus on the new memories you can create, cherishing the moments you have together.

Here are some suggestions to fill those quiet hours:

1. Spread the Word: Let others know you’re flying solo. Friends and acquaintances may invite you to their celebrations, reminding you that you’re not alone.
2. Treat Yourself: Indulge in your favorite foods without worry. Whether it’s a rich dessert or your guilty pleasure snack, enjoy it without hiding.
3. Binge-Watch: Take advantage of kid-free time to dive into that series you’ve been meaning to watch. You’ll find it’s the perfect escape.
4. Get Moving: A walk, especially on a holiday, can be refreshing. Embrace the holiday atmosphere, and let it lift your spirits.
5. Catch a Film: Going to the movies alone can be liberating. Find a cozy seat, lose yourself in the film, and enjoy a moment of peace.
6. Have a Special Someone?: If you’re dating, take advantage of the quiet moments together. Celebrate your connection in whatever way feels right.
7. Give Back: Volunteer, help a neighbor, or lend a hand at a local shelter. Doing something kind for others can work wonders for your mood.

Remember, the holidays come and go, and so do the challenges associated with them. One day, the custody schedules will fade into memory, and you’ll have the freedom to create your own traditions. Embrace this opportunity to find joy amid the chaos. You can make the holidays enjoyable, or at least bearable, and never forget that you’re not alone in this journey.

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Summary

The holiday season can be particularly challenging for those navigating life after a divorce. It’s essential to find ways to cope and even thrive during this time. Whether through self-care, connecting with others, or giving back, there are numerous ways to create moments of joy amid the upheaval. Remember, each year can bring improvement, and you have the power to shape your holiday experience.