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I Spoiled My First Child, But I’m Not Making the Same Mistake Again
It’s 6 p.m., and my living room looks like a toy explosion. My 4-year-old has taken it upon himself to unleash every superhero figure, magic set, and deck of cards onto the floor, while art supplies are strewn everywhere. After 45 minutes of wild energy, when I finally ask him to start tidying up, he dramatically flops onto the floor, whining, “Mommy, I’ve never been this tired in my whole entire wife!”
Of course, he means “life.” And while his cuteness almost tempts me to pick up his toys for him, I resist. I’ve been there before.
I completely spoiled my older son, now 9. Luckily, he’s turned out relatively unscathed and is mostly not a spoiled brat—thanks in part to my efforts to instill some discipline over the past few years. With a five-year gap between my kids, I had the luxury of doting on my first son. I didn’t wait on him hand and foot, insisting he clean up his toys and take responsibility. But I also let him off the hook way too often.
For example, if my younger son and I were in the same situation this afternoon, I might have begged my older son to put away his toys. When he resisted (he was always more stubborn), I often compromised with something like, “Fine, just pick up three toys, and I’ll handle the rest.” Let’s be honest—cleaning up is much quicker when done by an adult than a slow-moving 5-year-old.
I made excuses too. “Maybe he’s too young for that responsibility,” I’d tell myself. Sometimes, I was just too tired and cranky to deal with his protests, craving silence and a clean house. I naively assumed he’d one day want to take responsibility for his space, without my nagging.
I was wrong. A few years ago, I had to face the tough reality that helping out at home isn’t optional. It’s a part of being a member of our household. This rude awakening led to a lot of protests, meltdowns, and the unraveling of bad habits, but we’ve moved past that stage now.
I hold myself accountable for spoiling him, so I vowed not to repeat those mistakes with my younger son. As soon as he could follow simple directions, I made it clear that throwing his sticky napkin in the trash was a must. While I helped him clean up his toys when he was little, he had to take on most of the work himself. “I’m tired” wasn’t a valid excuse in my book.
Sure, there were protests. I’ve endured his tears while he tries to argue why he can’t possibly pick up his train tracks from the carpet. But I haven’t budged.
With multiple kids, there simply isn’t enough time to pick up after them every day. Second kids—and especially those who come after—must contribute. But even if you have just one child and ample time to cater to their every need, I urge you not to fall into the trap of leniency regarding chores.
Kids do need flexibility and should only handle age-appropriate tasks. What feels necessary to one family may not be to another. For instance, I won’t tolerate LEGOs littering my living room floor for long, but I’m not overly concerned about a sink full of dirty dishes.
However you approach it, don’t make excuses. Think carefully about the kind of adults you want your children to become. I want my sons to be responsible men and partners. That means they need to know their way around a kitchen, take out the trash without prompting, and not leave their dirty socks all over the bathroom floor.
Believe me, it can be tempting to just give in or do everything yourself. But that risks raising a generation of spoiled, entitled brats. So do us all a favor and steer clear of that path, okay?
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In summary, while it’s easy to want to pamper your first child, it’s crucial to instill responsibility early on to avoid raising a spoiled child. Holding them accountable not only benefits them in the long run but also makes life easier for you as a parent.