When my first daughter arrived, I wholeheartedly embraced the role of a stay-at-home mom. Honestly, it was a bit of a lucky break since I was a full-on 22-year-old hot mess before motherhood took the reins. For the first two years of my daughter’s life, we were inseparable. I was that classic SAHM, and it was great. But then, she started part-time daycare as I dove into a college program, and thus began my journey of balancing being both a “student mom” and a full-time caregiver.
This transition was both strange and thrilling. Suddenly, my little one was forging her own friendships, ones I didn’t get to control or facilitate. (Spoiler alert: This trend doesn’t just stop; it amplifies as they grow.) Other adults began playing pivotal roles in her daily experiences, which can feel like a blessing or lead to guilt and unnecessary judgment from others.
Fast forward three years, and I’ve fully embraced the life of a working mom. It didn’t happen overnight; I started as a student, then interned, and eventually landed a part-time job. Now, my kids are a feisty 4-year-old and a bustling second-grader, and I’ve noticed some striking differences in my new role:
1. Time is Precious
There’s no time to spare. Each day feels like a race against the clock. Bedtime sneaks up on us right after we’ve returned home, grabbed a bite, and zoned out on the couch for a quick show. My non-work hours are a careful juggling act of must-do’s, much-needed relaxation, and reconnecting with my family. It’s a constant balancing act, and let’s be real: weekdays are generally a wash for anything productive. We’re basically living for the weekends.
2. I’m Out of the Loop
Part of this might be thanks to my awesome partner who pulls his weight in parenting, but it’s also a reality for working moms. There’s just too much going on, and something’s gotta give. Recently, I realized I couldn’t even recall which milk my kids prefer versus the ones they tolerate. I’m not around enough to stay on top of their likes and dislikes when it comes to food, and it’s a bit mind-blowing. As a stay-at-home mom, I would have known instinctively who liked what milk after a grocery run.
3. You Can’t Be There for Every New Bond
Duh, right? But it’s tough when you have to rely on other loving adults to step in for you. My daughter’s social circle has widened, and she’s making connections with her school friends and their families without me. For instance, she now goes to a friend’s house after school, and sometimes I don’t even know who’s picking her up! It’s a strange feeling, being slightly disconnected from the very people I’ve nurtured.
4. The Social Scene Expands
I may be mixing up developmental stages with my transition, but with all four of us spending our days apart, our community has expanded exponentially. We have a ton of social obligations now. Birthday parties? Endless. As my husband and I settle into our jobs, we find ourselves engulfed in work-related social events too. Currently, with the holidays upon us, I’m juggling two work Secret Santa exchanges, a preschool adopt-a-family, a school book exchange, and a mountain of family gatherings. It’s a lot to manage, but it’s essential to foster all these little ecosystems our family inhabits.
5. It’s a Different Kind of Hard
While things are undeniably different, I genuinely enjoy this new setup. I thrive on having my own identity and personal space, something that’s hard to maintain when I’m with my kids 24/7. Sure, I sometimes sigh longingly when I think of all those moments I spent with them, but I understand that this separation is normal and necessary. Kids grow up, and it’s perfectly natural for them to spend time away from home. The navigation of this new normal is complex but essential.
I used to feel sorry for working families—how did they ever find time to relax or connect with their kids? But from this side of the fence, it’s not as grim as I imagined. Yes, there are challenges, but there are also perks. Each lifestyle has its unique benefits and drawbacks. And you know what? The added income is a nice bonus, too.
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Summary:
Transitioning from a stay-at-home mom to a working mom brings a whirlwind of changes. Time management becomes crucial, and there’s often a sense of disconnect as children form new relationships without parental oversight. Social obligations multiply, and while life becomes more complex, it also offers a renewed sense of identity and purpose. Each lifestyle has its challenges, but the added income and personal growth can be rewarding.