Go Ahead, Judge Away, But Keep It to Yourself

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Surprise! I’m judging you. Yes, me—the one who seems all smiles and friendly chatter at socials. The one dubbed “the nice one” in several circles. The person who cracks self-deprecating jokes to make others feel comfortable? That’s right, I’m judging you.

From your parenting style to your dinner choices for the kids to your views on vaccinations, I’m quietly scrutinizing you. Back in the playground days, I probably judged you based on whether you preferred swinging to climbing the monkey bars. By middle school, I was likely critiquing your hairstyle and outfit, and as a teenager, your taste in music was definitely on my radar.

Judgment is part of human nature, and I’d argue it’s universal. We pass judgments every single day, and it’s not always a negative thing. If you mention your love for travel, I’m likely to view you as a valuable resource for my next getaway. Each day, we make positive assessments about potential friends or trustworthy caregivers for our children.

But don’t try to convince me you only make positive judgments. There’s a balance to everything. If you admire a beautiful dress, you’ll certainly notice an unflattering one too. Positive or negative, one thing is clear: If we meet, I’ll be judging you.

The difference, however, is that you’ll never be aware of it. While I may be judgmental, I refuse to be a judgmental jerk. My opinions don’t equate to thinking you’re a terrible person. I recognize there’s more to you than your choice of co-sleeping or your belief that Olive Garden offers authentic Italian cuisine. Your views on discipline might influence whether I let you babysit my kids, but they won’t define our entire relationship.

When I judge you negatively, I’m simply acknowledging that I feel my opinion is better. But that doesn’t make me superior. I wouldn’t want my judgments to affect our friendship, which is why I often keep my thoughts to myself.

If I told you chain restaurants are best left for teenagers, would that sway you from enjoying your favorite quesadilla on date night? Probably not. And I wouldn’t want it to. So what’s the purpose? Voicing my judgment transforms it into shaming.

If I have genuine concerns for you as a close friend, I might suggest alternatives to your nightly Skittles dinners for the kids. But if we’re strangers, I’m keeping my opinions to myself while your little one enjoys their sugary treat before reaching their third birthday. Your choices are your own business.

Venturing into the online arena with your judgments qualifies you as one of life’s unique trolls. Mothers, often seen as nurturing figures, have become adept at this role. A quick scroll through comments reveals a plethora of critiques on every parenting choice imaginable—be it breast versus bottle or baby carrier versus stroller.

Has anyone ever changed their mind based on a stranger online calling them a horrible parent for enjoying coffee during pregnancy? I’m sure some of you are judging me right now. That’s okay. But if you think telling me you feel sorry for my kids because of my “bad” parenting will change me, you’re mistaken. You’re just showing that you judge someone’s whole life based on a tiny snapshot and have enough time to comment on the lives of strangers.

The internet is a powerful tool, connecting us globally and providing a wealth of information. Yet, it often becomes a playground for disgruntled trolls seeking to assert their superiority by putting others down. If I took internet comments to heart, I should probably just drive my kids to Child Protective Services myself. Surely, they’d fare better in foster care than with a mom who only breastfed for two months and chose to vaccinate.

And by the way, you absolutely should judge me. Pick any of the above and feel free to add a few more. I let my kids pick their outfits, my 6-year-old only listens to 20% of what I say, and some might claim I indulge in wine a bit too much (I might judge those people as boring). If you didn’t judge me, I’d be judging you.

You might leave my house pondering a cleaning service for me, but I hope you also notice my husband and I are raising two incredibly joyful and funny daughters. Maybe we even made you chuckle a few times. Essentially, I hope there’s a balance to your criticisms.

I truly believe that the universe reflects what we put into it—go ahead, judge me on that. So I urge you, no matter how negative your judgments may be, do yourself and the world a favor: keep them to yourself.

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Summary:

Judgment is an inherent part of human nature, and while it’s natural to judge others, it’s important to keep those thoughts to ourselves. Expressing judgments can often lead to shaming. Instead of criticizing others, we should focus on recognizing the positive aspects of those around us. In the vast online world, negativity often overshadows support, making it crucial to foster kindness instead of judgment.