Parenting
By Lisa Greene
Updated: Jan. 29, 2021
Originally Published: Dec. 12, 2016
The excitement in our living room on Christmas morning 1988 was something to behold. As my brothers tore into the big box they had been eyeing for days, their 9- and 10-year-old voices echoed with joy, shaking the ornaments on the tree. Santa had delivered the ultimate gift: a Nintendo console. With an upgrade from their ancient Atari, they were practically levitating as my dad helped them set it up on the family TV. As a 13-year-old, I watched them enter a video game trance—bedhead and footie pajamas in full effect—and thought, “What’s all the fuss about?” While I eventually joined in on endless Super Mario Bros. sessions with my brothers, I never quite grasped the allure of video games. I’d much rather hang out at the mall than mash buttons on a controller, battling space aliens or rescuing Princess Zelda.
Fast forward, and the universe has a way of throwing a curveball my way. I now have a son, Oliver, who is completely consumed by video games, much like his uncles were at his age.
Our journey with gaming began just before the Wii launched. My mother-in-law gifted our then 3-year-old Oliver a toddler-friendly gaming system: oversized controllers, educational games focusing on letters and numbers, and a simple power switch. The moment he unwrapped it, his eyes sparkled with joy as he dove into the colorful graphics. For a few days, it was heartwarming to see him engage with learning games in the family room.
But then, the fun turned sour. Tantrums erupted, crabby behavior ensued, and he fixated on the next chance to game. His chatter revolved around his new system, and he began staying up late, counting down the minutes to play. Mornings became a race to the TV, and when I announced it was time to log off, the meltdowns began—crying, kicking, and screaming that lasted for hours.
Video games became a source of exhaustion in our home, catching my husband and me completely off guard. I couldn’t recall my brothers throwing fits over gaming, and I felt ill-equipped to restrict what seemed like a harmless learning tool for Oliver. As the emotional outbursts intensified, it became clear that we needed to take a step back from video games until he matured a bit.
Thus began our video game hiatus. It worked for a while, but let’s face it—little boys bond over gaming. It’s the lingo of 8-year-olds at school, and Oliver felt left out when he wasn’t in the loop. When he visited friends, he’d come home buzzing about the fun they had playing the latest games. Eventually, we caved, and Santa gifted him a Wii when Oliver turned 8.
Before long, the old behaviors resurfaced. Emotional meltdowns when his gaming time ended, distraction from schoolwork, and sleep troubles became standard. We imposed limits: just one hour of gaming on weekends and none during the week. However, this only fueled his obsession. Watching him spiral out of control was just heartbreaking.
I hated being the bad guy, taking away something he clearly loved, but his mental health was at stake. At just 8 years old, we witnessed him navigating highs and lows and obsessive behaviors that vanished the moment we banned video games from our home. After we implemented the ban, he visibly relaxed. A few weeks later, he confessed that his mind felt “scrambled” when playing. When he sheepishly said he was glad for the break, I knew we had made the right call. For nearly five years, our household remained video game-free, and it was the best decision for us.
Now, at 13, we’ve worked together to cultivate a healthy balance. My husband and I understand that video games are a part of the teenage experience. Through countless discussions, Oliver has learned to recognize when he’s had enough. He’s gained self-control and, while he occasionally plays, he knows his life shouldn’t revolve around screen time. If only I could get him to obsess over cleaning his room and doing his laundry; then we’d be golden!
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In summary, navigating a child’s obsession with video games can be challenging. Setting boundaries and fostering open communication is essential. Through patience and understanding, you can help your child find a balance that promotes healthy habits.