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How to Handle It When Your Child is a Little Fibber
When Great-Aunt Edna offered me her infamous fruitcake this year, of course, I replied with an enthusiastic, “Absolutely, we look forward to it every year!” I mean, what’s the alternative? Admitting that it nearly shattered my tooth and left me cursing in agony after dropping it on my toe while trying to toss it in the trash? No thanks! Making fruitcake fills her with joy, and she truly believes it’s our favorite holiday treat. I’d rather my kids see me bend the truth a little than witness the heartbreak of an elderly relative.
The same goes for the pediatrician’s office. When asked about my kids’ screen time, I might casually say, “Oh, about an hour,” knowing full well that it’s more like three. Everyone in the room knows I’m stretching the truth, but it’s a silent agreement. As parents, we deserve to lie occasionally—whether to protect feelings or dodge a lecture. However, as kids grow, they notice these little fibs and may start experimenting with their own. Luckily, we can guide them back to honesty, especially when we can spot a little “lying-little-fibber” in action.
Teaching the Value of Honesty
First off, they need to understand that there are consequences for dishonesty and that honesty is a valuable trait. If my kids insist they didn’t feed the dog their peas, even after I saw them do it, guess what? They’ll be getting a second helping of peas. When they claim they didn’t pinch their sister—who’s clearly sporting red fingerprints and sobbing—I make sure they apologize and do something nice for her, something that reminds them why honesty is better than being a “lying-pinchy-pincher.”
Sometimes, a little fib can be justified. If we’re at a friend’s house and the dinner is a culinary disaster, saying “Thanks, dinner was lovely” might earn them a trip to fast food afterward for not gagging at the table. There’s an art to this, and it’s worth teaching.
It’s crucial for them to know that lying doesn’t make them bad people. While I want my kids to grasp the wrongness of lying, being too harsh can lead to shame, pushing them to lie even more to avoid disappointing me. I remind them they’re good kids making poor choices, and they can correct it by being honest. It creates a safe space where they feel comfortable revealing the truth.
Keeping Conversations Simple
I try to avoid lengthy emotional discussions about lying. All kids lie; it’s in their nature to test boundaries. I’ve found that if I keep it straightforward and say, “Tell me the truth, and your consequences will be lighter,” they’re more inclined to confess. It’s tough not to feel hurt when they lie, but I avoid making it personal. Creating fear of disappointment only feeds a cycle of dishonesty that no one wants.
Trust becomes a casualty of lies. My youngest went through a phase of saying outrageous things like, “The dog devoured the sofa while we were out!” Just to provoke a reaction from me. The dog may have gnawed on furniture, but it’s never demolished a whole sofa. After a few talks, I explained that if something important was happening, I needed to trust him to be honest, or I might not respond appropriately if he really needed my help. I used the story of “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” to illustrate this point effectively.
Handling Higher Stakes
As they grow, the stakes get higher. Conversations about truth-telling can become heated, so I ensure we all take a breather before addressing the issue. This approach helps everyone feel more at ease. No child is going to open up while their mom is already frayed at the edges, wondering why they’ve caused such chaos with their lies.
For my family, a blend of appropriate consequences, straightforwardness, and understanding has helped us navigate through some pretty tall tales. And if all else fails, a piece of Great-Aunt Edna’s fruitcake has been known to coax the truth out of them. If that doesn’t do the trick, I might just drop it on their toe.