I Don’t Wait for My Partner to Get Home—I Can Handle It Myself

Recently, the power went out just as I needed to pick up my kids from school. To get the garage door open, I had to manually disconnect it from the automatic opener. Once we returned home and the power was restored, I had to reattach it, which required me to climb onto our car’s bumper. Balancing awkwardly with one foot on the vehicle and the other on the garage door, my son asked why I didn’t just wait for his dad to handle it. I told him I was perfectly capable of doing it myself, but there was more to it than that.

As my kids grow older and I can leave them unattended without worrying about potential disasters, I’ve embraced the independence that comes with handling things on my own.

I Want to Learn

I believe in learning through experience, even if it takes me longer than expected. I enjoy getting my hands dirty and figuring things out. Whether it was demolishing an old cabinet or disconnecting a chandelier while my kids watched, those moments made me feel powerful. They may have viewed me as a superhero, and honestly, I felt like one too.

I’m Impatient

If I buy something that needs to be hung or feel the urge to repaint a room, I simply can’t wait for my partner’s help. It doesn’t matter if it takes me a few drinks and half a day—I’m determined to get it done. I feel a sense of anxiety when tasks linger unfinished, and instead of stressing out my laid-back partner, I find it easier to tackle things myself.

Setting an Example for My Kids

I want my children to see their mom doing as much as their dad does. There should be no distinction between “women’s work” and “men’s work.” If something needs doing and you’re capable, go for it! I want my kids to know that anyone can take on projects, be it building a shelf or fixing a leaky faucet, just as I expect my partner to pitch in when he notices chores needing attention.

Dad Needs a Break

When my partner comes home after a long day of hard labor, the last thing he wants is to deal with household repairs. I completely understand that!

I Love Redecorating

My partner isn’t a fan of my frequent redecorating sprees. Sometimes, I manage to pull off a project before he gets home, so he’s only vaguely aware of the chaos that unfolded in our living room or the bedroom. There was this one time I was tearing my hair out trying to paint stripes in our bathroom. It took a while, but I eventually nailed it. He didn’t even notice the stripes for six months, which I consider a huge win.

Dad Procrastinates

As I mentioned, my partner takes his sweet time getting to things. He doesn’t see the urgency in changing a lightbulb or repainting the window sills like I do. His mindset is, “there’s always tomorrow.” I’m not wired that way and can become quite irritable if things linger unfinished (see “I’m Impatient”).

What If Something Happens?

I didn’t mention this to my son, but it’s a significant reason behind my desire to be self-sufficient. I witnessed a friend lose her husband and felt her helplessness. She had relied on him for everything around the house their entire marriage and didn’t know how to handle even simple tasks. That scared me. I want to be able to manage household issues and emergencies so that I never feel powerless.

Keeping My Mind Sharp

Since becoming a stay-at-home parent, I’ve felt like some brain cells have vanished. I have no regrets about the path I chose, but I needed to stay mentally engaged. Taking on projects like changing cabinet doors or figuring out how to stain a deck keeps my mind active, and I appreciate that challenge.

This doesn’t mean we don’t work together or ask for each other’s help. I’ve certainly reached out in a panic when I accidentally cracked our new sink! But I want to contribute, to learn, and to show my kids just what their mom can achieve. I’m not afraid to climb a ladder or make mistakes along the way, as it demonstrates to my children that perseverance is key to tackling challenges independently.

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Summary:

Embracing independence while managing household tasks enhances personal growth and sets a positive example for children. By tackling challenges alone, I not only feel empowered but also encourage my kids to see beyond traditional gender roles. I believe in learning through doing, staying mentally active, and preparing for life’s uncertainties.