In today’s world, we’re facing a troubling wave of bullying. Many individuals feel emboldened to hurl racial slurs and petty insults at those they perceive as different. These bullies lurk everywhere — from schools to workplaces to the anonymity of the internet.
A bully is someone who uses their strength or authority to intimidate those who are less powerful. They’re fueled by a toxic mixture of hate and fear: hate for those who don’t align with their narrow views and fear that they might be just as flawed as their inner critic suggests. In their quest for power, they often make others feel small and insignificant, all while grappling with their own insecurities.
So, when should we teach our kids to ignore a bully, and when is it time to fight back? The answer is simple: always.
It’s crucial to fight back, especially if you’re not the one being targeted. That’s why I refuse to stay silent. I will always advocate against injustice. I’m determined to teach my children the importance of standing up for themselves and others, and that it’s never acceptable to turn away when someone is being mistreated.
I encourage my kids to use their words, primarily because they’re still small in stature, but also because words hold tremendous power. Plus, I’m not a huge fan of promoting violence, either.
Empowering Them to Stand Up for Themselves
Recently, a well-meaning adult tried to hug my daughter after she gave them a gift. Her body language screamed “no,” but she felt powerless to object. It broke my heart to see that. I stepped in and suggested a fist-bump instead, breaking away from my ingrained “be polite” mentality. Later, I reinforced with her that she never has to touch anyone she doesn’t want to. We practiced different ways she could handle similar situations in the future, because asserting personal boundaries is a fundamental part of self-advocacy.
Teaching Them to Support Others
Not long ago, during my son’s soccer practice, an altercation broke out and the coach mistakenly reprimanded the wrong player. My son witnessed the entire incident and felt helpless when the accused child was benched. When I arrived to pick him up, he was reluctant to discuss it. After some discussion, we decided it was important that he and his teammates stand up for the player who was unfairly treated. At the next practice, they rallied together, and thanks to their efforts, the child was allowed to play in the following game.
Encouraging Their Voices
Teaching our children to voice their concerns, even to us, is vital. For instance, our son recently brought home a disappointing math test, and I overreacted after discovering he hadn’t turned in his homework on time. I realized that I wanted him to learn to navigate his failures. So instead of chastising him, we celebrated his setback and he crafted his own plan to improve.
These lessons, both big and small, are taking root. A group of fourth-graders recently protested a ban on running during recess, successfully persuading their principal to lift it. It was inspiring to see them unite to challenge what they felt was an unfair rule.
Each of these moments may seem minor, but they contribute significantly to building our children’s self-esteem and their understanding of how to respond when they witness unfair treatment.
As I grow older, I’m finding it easier to speak out against what I see as wrong. I aspire to be a better role model for my kids and refuse to default to being “polite” when witnessing injustice. For guidance on how to intervene if you see someone being bullied, check out this helpful video.
Now isn’t the time to remain passive or polite; it’s time to be loud, persistent, and unwavering.
In summary, teaching our kids to stand up for themselves and others is essential in combating bullying. Through small actions and discussions, we can instill confidence in them and foster a more empathetic society.