Congratulations on your new little one! While everyone is busy congratulating you, prepare for a whirlwind of surprises that no one dares to share. People will offer advice, but most of it is self-serving and often misses the mark on reality. Here’s the unfiltered truth about motherhood that you probably won’t hear from the well-meaning crowd.
Your baby might not be the cutest.
You may think, “My little angel will look like a cherub!” But brace yourself: the truth is your newborn might resemble a squished potato with tiny limbs. You’ll find them adorable, thanks to those overwhelming ‘mommy hormones,’ while the rest of us might see a little gnome in a hat. Spoiler alert: we’ll probably lie to you about it.
Most advice is for the advisor’s benefit.
You’ll hear everything from breastfeeding to bottle-feeding to combo feeding. It’s all about making others feel superior about their choices. The same goes for co-sleeping, introducing solids, and swaddling. Best to nod and smile while you do what feels right for you, even if it means telling everyone you’re definitely going to try that bizarre method they suggested.
Your baby will toot like a grown man.
Expect some serious sounds from that tiny package. You’ll think, “How can such a small creature create such a racket?” But don’t be alarmed; it’s just a natural part of being a baby. Everyone else is just too shy to admit their little ones are noisy too.
Always carry baby wipes.
You’ll use them for everything: wiping your baby’s face, cleaning up their messes, and, yes, even for that unexpected spill in your car. Baby wipes become your best friend—trust me.
Baby clothes are a money trap.
Don’t fall for the cute outfits. Buy used wherever possible and save that cash for more important things, like your child’s future. Because let’s be honest, your baby will likely soil that expensive Polo.
You’ll find yourself sucking snot.
You may swear you’ll never do it, but one sniffly night with a congested baby will change your mind. You’ll grab that NoseFrida and realize it’s oddly satisfying, though you’ll never admit it.
Swaddling can be tricky.
If you think you’ll master the art of swaddling, think again. Only seasoned dads and nurses seem to get it right. Invest in some pre-made swaddles—they’ll save your sanity.
Your baby will want to be held constantly.
Get ready for the reality that your tiny human will likely scream if you try to put them down. Accept the role of designated baby holder; it’s the only way to keep the peace.
You’ll become a tired cliché.
Expect to leak milk and blood while living in yoga pants because who has time to shower? By day three, you’ll understand why some moms opt for baby carriers to keep their hands free.
Mom groups can be just as catty as high school.
Finding your tribe can be daunting when everyone seems to have it all together. Look for the moms in ponytails and leggings—they might be your best bet for camaraderie.
You didn’t break the baby.
Don’t panic over every little mishap, whether it’s a rolled-off bed incident or a misplaced Q-tip. Your baby is tougher than you think. By the third child, you’ll be a pro at handling minor chaos.
Ultimately, no one prepares you for the real deal of parenthood—diaper blowouts, endless poop, and all the cleanup that comes with it. The reality of motherhood is messier than anyone lets on. But congratulations on your lovely little human; it’s a wild ride, and yes, it’s mostly about poop.
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