“If I could lend you my eyes, you’d see how incredible he is,” my grandmother used to say whenever anyone dared to criticize my grandpa. Their love was a remarkable bond, and I believe everyone deserves to experience such a profound connection. My relationship with my husband, Jake, is filled with love, despite a few quirks that I choose to overlook.
For instance, Jake can find the TV remote even when it’s wedged in the couch cushions, yet he’s completely incapable of locating any household item that’s in plain sight.
“Where’s the flashlight?” he’ll inquire.
“It’s in the utility drawer.”
“No, it’s not. I checked.”
And so, I hit pause on our Netflix show, set down my drink, and make the trek to the utility drawer to retrieve it. “Yes, it is.”
“Oh. I didn’t see it.”
This routine repeats itself countless times a day with various items like dish towels, notepads, and spatulas. It’s as if he believes in some mystical household fairies: the Soap Fairy who magically fills the hand soap dispensers, and the Toilet Paper Fairy who appears just in time to swap out empty rolls. Why would he bother when these fairies seem to love their jobs?
Here are a few other quirks I overlook regularly:
- Our Bed as a War Zone
Jake must think he’s training for the ninja Olympics. His arms fly across the bed, often making contact with me. Sorry, sweetie, but you’ll never be the next Karate Kid. I’ve resorted to building a pillow fortress and sleeping as far away as possible since he also has restless leg syndrome. I frequently wake up in the dead of night, convinced we’re experiencing a minor earthquake, only to find it’s just his leg kicking the mattress. - The Dreaded Dishes
Why is it so hard to put dirty dishes in the sink or, even better, in the dishwasher? Coffee cups seem to multiply around the house, empty snack wrappers lurk near the couch, and dirty dishes have taken up residence on the counter. It’s as if a magical force field prevents him from taking those two extra steps. But wait, I do this too! Never mind. - Laundry Skills, or Lack Thereof
Despite being a high school basketball star, Jake can’t seem to score any points when it comes to getting socks and underwear into the hamper. Clothing often decorates the floor around the hamper and the bathroom. I’ve even thought about putting a scoreboard on the hamper to incentivize him. - Laundry Mishaps
Jake once destroyed my favorite sweater by washing it with a new pair of jeans. The blue dye looked like a watercolor disaster on the light fabric, and he promptly declared, “I can never do laundry again.” And he doesn’t. Fortunately, he never complains when I have to rewash loads or when he has to get dressed in the laundry room. - The Fart Phenomenon
Let’s talk about gas. Jake isn’t just letting out the occasional toot; his emissions can rattle the furniture and register on the Richter scale. Our kids have learned to steer clear of him, lest they be knocked over by the sheer force. I believe everyone should feel at home, but his farts are so powerful they scare the dog. I propose we coin a new term: Fartquake. - The Snoring Symphony
Speaking of loud noises, can we discuss the snoring? It’s so disruptive that our son has requested a bedroom swap because it disturbs his sleep (and he’s already at the far end of the hallway). I have no sympathy for Jake, as I’m the one sharing a bed with this roaring chainsaw. I buy earplugs in bulk, and honestly, I’m surprised we haven’t been fined for breaking the neighborhood noise ordinance.
Of course, I’m aware that I’m not the easiest person to live with either. When I once asked Jake what I could improve about myself, he brought me a cup of coffee (that he brewed) and instantly replied, “Nothing. You have no quirks.” Maybe that’s why he’s perfect for me.
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Summary:
Navigating the quirks of marriage can be a challenge, but love helps us overlook them. From misplaced items to laundry disasters, each couple faces their own set of endearing oddities. While I may not be perfect, my husband Jake’s charming flaws are part of what makes our relationship special.