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I Stopped Doing Everything for My Family, and Surprisingly, the World Didn’t End
What would happen if you decided to hit the pause button on trying to do it all? Imagine refraining from being the first to change the baby’s diaper, fetch a drink for your toddler, or schedule that doctor’s appointment for your partner. What do you think would unfold?
Are you worried that chaos would reign? Do you believe you’re the only one who can do things the right way? Does it feel like it’s your duty to handle everything?
Well, let me tell you, it’s time to stop. Give it a shot! What’s the worst that could happen? Tasks might go unfinished—big deal! But what if, just maybe, someone else steps in to take over?
As moms, we often bear the weight of the world on our shoulders. Sure, we usually take charge of managing the household and raising the kids. However, sometimes we overestimate our importance and forget that we don’t have to do it all alone. It can often feel easier to take on everything ourselves rather than waiting for someone else’s help.
There are plenty of issues with trying to do it all. One major concern is that moms frequently neglect their own needs during the child-rearing journey. But there are additional reasons to step back and let others in the household contribute or learn to take care of themselves.
The Partners
From what I’ve observed, most partners genuinely want to help out. I admit I can be a bit controlling, with a very specific idea of how everything should be done. So, in raising our kids, I ended up monopolizing most of the childcare duties. The downside? My partner often felt clueless about how to help, discouraged because he thought he “couldn’t do anything right,” and he wouldn’t take the initiative when I needed him to.
Things have changed for the better, especially now that the kids are 2 and 4. Just the other day, I was eating lunch (as usual, after everyone else), when my little one produced a particularly odorous diaper. I had to resist the urge to rush and take care of it while the others wrinkled their noses. To my surprise, my partner saw I was still eating and handled the situation without missing a beat. No complaints, just action.
I’ve also made a point to carve out time for myself. I’ll schedule an evening out when my partner is home or set aside some uninterrupted time on weekends to tackle my own tasks. I don’t ask for permission because outside of “work time,” the kids are our shared responsibility.
The Kids
Believe it or not, kids benefit from you stepping back and letting them handle more on their own. If you’re anything like me, you’ll be amazed at what they can accomplish without your help.
I used to do everything for my 4-year-old daughter. Now, when I suggest tasks she’s more than capable of managing (like dressing herself), she often says, “I don’t know how.” I realized this when I enrolled my son in daycare at age 1. Observing the teachers helped me see that kids that age could do things I hadn’t even attempted at home, like laying down on their mats for a nap.
Now, I encourage both of my kids to do as much as they can for themselves. I ensure they have enough time to complete tasks, recognizing they might not get it right the first or second time. Patience and time are key!
The Benefits
Since I stepped back from the do-it-all mentality, our family dynamics have significantly shifted. My partner is more engaged in helping the kids, playing with them, and bonding in ways I hadn’t witnessed before.
Most importantly, the balance in caring for their needs—whether initiated by the kids or us—is starting to even out. Sure, their growing independence plays a role, but my decision to relinquish control has been crucial.
I can see the kids embracing a sense of empowerment. They’re beginning to understand our daily rhythm and are more willing to try new things for themselves because of the positive environment we’re nurturing.
And the best part? I can finally take a breath, read a book occasionally, and enjoy my meals while they’re still hot!
And speaking of family matters, check out this post about home insemination, which offers some insightful tips. Want more information? Visit this resource on pregnancy and home insemination, or look into this guide for tools to help you on your journey.
Summary:
Taking a step back from managing every aspect of family life can lead to surprising benefits. By allowing partners and kids to contribute, the family dynamic shifts for the better. Empowering children to do more for themselves fosters a sense of independence, and partners become more engaged. As a result, mothers can finally breathe a little easier, enjoy their meals, and take time for themselves.