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I’ll Never Embrace a Paleo Diet Because of Bread
By: Jamie Thompson
Updated: Dec. 29, 2023
Originally Published: Dec. 29, 2023
So, maybe my jeans feel a tad tighter than I’d like. Perhaps I’m noticing a little more wiggle in places that used to be quite firm. It’s also possible that my “fat pants” are starting to feel like my everyday wear. Whatever the reason may be, the outcome remains constant: every year (okay, several times a year), I resolve to shed a few pounds.
I kick things off like most people do — with a scroll through Pinterest. When your mind says “healthy eating” but your heart screams “chocolate croissant,” you need a little external motivation. And the Pinterest crowd seems to be in unanimous agreement that the Paleo diet is the way to go.
The internet is brimming with mouthwatering recipes paired with images of toned individuals who have evidently transformed their bodies through this miraculous eating plan. The concept is straightforward: you consume foods that our ancient ancestors would have eaten long before donuts and candy bars made their debut, so it’s primarily meat and veggies. And don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a good steak and fresh produce as much as anyone else, but I’m definitely going to want some bread on the side.
No shade to the hardcore Paleo enthusiasts out there — I admire your commitment and would love to have your lean curves. But let’s be honest, those buns I crave are the soft, fluffy kind that cradle a juicy burger. Or those chewy pretzel rolls? Yes, please! Any bun described with words like “warm,” “gooey,” “sticky,” or “buttery” (especially all together) is something I simply can’t refuse.
From my perspective, the only reason our Paleolithic predecessors ate the way they did was because baking had yet to be invented. I mean, after a long day of hunting woolly mammoths, wouldn’t a hearty pasta dish have been the ideal fuel? And let’s not forget how much better their rabbit stew would be with a side of crusty bread.
Honestly, life in prehistoric times must have been pretty rough (no tampons, no ibuprofen, and certainly no cozy carbs!). Can you imagine facing that kind of hardship without the comfort of sugar and carbs? The horror! I bet our cavewoman ancestors would have been much happier if they could have indulged in a jar of Nutella during their tougher days instead of relying on, I don’t know, some leaves for comfort.
While I respect the principles behind the Paleo diet, our ancestors weren’t following them because their doctors were concerned about cholesterol levels. They ate what they could find, which didn’t include the delights of bakeries or coffee shops. If they could see today’s Paleo followers shunning the gloriousness of bread in the name of health, they’d probably be shaking their heads in disbelief. They’d likely grab a donut and head to the gym to burn it off, just like the rest of us.
So, to all you Paleo folks out there, keep doing your thing — I truly admire your dedication. Meanwhile, I’ll be over here, happily indulging in a basket of rolls, and embracing my muffin top. Because let’s be real: BREAD!
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In summary, while the Paleo diet has its merits, I’m sticking with my love for bread and all the delightful carbs that come with it.