When it comes to parenting, it turns out that the tween years can be more challenging for moms than the newborn stage. During those early baby days, parents often receive an avalanche of advice and support, which, while helpful, can also be overwhelming. However, once your little one starts to grow up, that wellspring of parenting camaraderie tends to dry up, and that’s when moms really need it the most.
A recent study highlighted by NPR indicates that maternal depression peaks when children reach around 10 years old. This finding resonates with many moms who know firsthand the unique struggles that come with raising tweens. As one mom, Lisa, 42, of a 10-year-old son named Jake, shared, “At 2 a.m., I often feel a jolt of anxiety about my kids and my abilities as a mom. It’s like I’m back in that early stage of worry, but the issues are so much different now.”
As a mother of a nine-year-old who has recently started asking about iPhones, bullies, and all sorts of other tricky topics, I can relate to Lisa’s feelings. The panic I feel now is unlike anything I experienced during those sleepless nights with a newborn. Back then, I was constantly busy with their basic needs, which, while exhausting, were pretty straightforward. Now? It’s a whole different ball game.
Research published in the journal Developmental Psychology reveals that moms with tweens experience higher levels of stress and isolation than new parents do. Many mothers, like Lisa, find themselves grappling with the challenge of balancing their child’s growing independence while also worrying about the choices they’re making. As Lisa aptly puts it, “When Jake was a baby, I was concerned about his feeding schedule. Now, I’m stressed about how much freedom to give him when he’s out with friends and how to keep tabs on what he does online. It’s a lot to handle.”
Fellow mom, Tara, echoes these sentiments, admitting, “Since my daughter turned 10, I’ve felt increasingly sad and irritable. I struggle to help her navigate friendships, and it breaks my heart when she doesn’t trust my advice.” The combination of surging tween hormones and the realization that your child no longer sees you as the ultimate authority creates a whirlwind of emotions, often negative.
Adding to the stress is the fact that many moms find themselves without the support networks they had during their children’s earlier years. Playgroups for toddlers have long since faded away, leaving many mothers feeling isolated. It’s easy to feel alone when you’re not sharing your parenting worries with others in the same boat.
That’s why Lisa’s approach to managing this tumultuous phase makes perfect sense. “Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed, I reach out to friends,” she advises. “I also encourage Jake to express his feelings, and I make sure to advocate for myself as well.” If you’re navigating the challenges of parenting a tween, remember that you’re not alone.
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Summary
Research indicates that the tween years are particularly stressful for mothers, as they face new challenges including heightened anxiety, feelings of isolation, and a lack of support. Moms need to advocate for themselves and reach out to others during this tumultuous phase of parenting.