The other day, I took a moment to observe my husband and kids as they strolled ahead of me after my daughter’s basketball game. When they turned around and noticed my absence, it felt nice to be acknowledged. There are days when being a mom feels more like being a maid or an Uber driver, especially when you’re critiqued for forgetting the milk.
My family holds a significant piece of my heart. They bring me joy and evoke emotions I never knew existed (the good and the bad). They love me unconditionally, and I would fiercely protect them from harm. Yet, despite all that, they don’t complete me.
Back in college, while chatting with my roommate, I shared my dream of being married with kids by 25. We both agreed, but we hesitated to admit that we thought a family would somehow make us whole. It’s a fantasy we’ve since come to terms with, realizing that it doesn’t fulfill us as we once hoped.
While my husband and children have certainly enriched my life, I’ve learned an important lesson as I’ve grown older: feeling complete and truly happy is a personal journey. It’s something I have to cultivate within myself.
I’ve noticed that whenever I relied on someone else for my happiness, I felt an urge to bolt in the opposite direction. That kind of pressure is unbearable. We might think our kids are too young to feel this burden or that our partners are meant to fill our voids, but that’s not how it works for me.
It’s our responsibility to find our own fulfillment—our kids, partners, and friends can’t do it for us. Feeling complete doesn’t equal constant happiness. It means being true to yourself, knowing your identity, having integrity, and surrounding yourself with what makes you feel alive, all without depending on others for your joy.
As I age, I care less about trivial matters and find peace in knowing what truly matters to me. I am complete. I complete myself.
Soon enough, my kids will grow up and start their families. It’s fortunate they don’t fully complete me; otherwise, I’d be feeling quite lonely as they pursue their own journeys. I can’t fulfill their needs for completion, nor can I teach them to chase their dreams if I don’t do it myself.
I write, I run, I dabble in painting and decorating, and I can’t sleep without a good book. I make it a priority to have lunch with a dear friend weekly and spend quality time with each of my children. Rarely does a day go by without me texting my sisters. All these activities enrich my life because I’m living authentically and not relying on anyone to fill my happiness.
We are responsible for creating our own joy. I don’t want anyone to expect me to fulfill their voids, nor do I want to place that burden on anyone else. Our family is our anchor—our safe space—but until we put in the effort to complete ourselves, true happiness will always elude us.
Speaking of self-fulfillment, if you’re exploring ways to start a family, check out this insightful post on home insemination kits. For authoritative advice, visit Make a Mom. And if you’re looking for excellent resources on pregnancy, News Medical is a fantastic place to start.
In summary, while family brings immense joy and fulfillment, it’s crucial to recognize that we must find completion within ourselves. Our happiness is our responsibility, and the journey to self-fulfillment is one we all must take.