There are days when I feel like a less-than-stellar parent, especially after I lose it over something trivial or serve mac and cheese with chicken nuggets for the third consecutive night. Yet, there are moments when I feel like I truly have this parenting thing down, as if my kids hit the jackpot by having me as their mom.
More often than not, I find myself in a state of uncertainty, caught between feeling like I could do better and recognizing that others face bigger challenges. I scour the internet for parenting tips while reminding myself that my kids are happy and safe, going to bed each night well-fed and clean.
But then life throws you a curveball, jolting you into reality. These moments are rare, yet they stick with you, replaying in your mind long after they’ve passed. They make you want to wrap your kids in bubble wrap, tuck them in beside you, and never let them go. Like the time your little one nearly darted into traffic, or when your child almost choked. These instances bring forth all the love and protective instincts a parent can feel, leaving you overwhelmed with gratitude for the child you can’t imagine living without.
After such experiences, you find yourself catching your breath, clutching your chest, and thanking whatever higher power you may or may not believe in for sparing you the worst. You realize your purpose is to love and protect that little one, reminding you that you’re doing a fantastic job, despite those nagging feelings of inadequacy.
This was my most intense wake-up call…
My 2-year-old twins, Leo and Mia, were strapped in their high chairs at the kitchen table while I braced myself for another round of “who’s going to spit out their lunch today?” A babysitter was cleaning upstairs, and my older kids were at school. I looked a hot mess, with disheveled hair and clothes, my mind racing with the endless to-do list awaiting me post-lunch. I had bills to tackle, emails to respond to, and a grocery run to make for dinner. I placed bowls of food in front of Leo and Mia, hoping they’d pick up their toddler forks and dig in. They started nibbling, but then I noticed Mia was just babbling and playing.
When I turned to Leo, I was met with a stark reality: he was completely still. “Leo, buddy, are you okay?” I asked, but he didn’t respond. His little face looked heavy, his head drooping as if he was falling asleep. Then, his eyes rolled back in his head.
“Holy crap!” I screamed, my voice echoing in panic. The babysitter rushed in. “Stay with Mia!” I shouted, as I grabbed Leo, checking for food lodged in his throat, and hurriedly unbuckled him from his high chair.
The phone. I dialed 9-1-1. “I need help! My son isn’t breathing. Please hurry!” I fumbled for my keys.
“Ma’am, is he conscious?” the operator asked. I glanced at Leo. “He’s blue! Please, we need help!”
Holding my limp baby, panic threatened to consume me. I felt utterly helpless. But I could do one thing: stay focused. I needed to get him in the car, just in case the ambulance didn’t arrive in time.
I raced to the garage, the sound of sirens growing nearer. When I looked back at Leo, white foam dripped from his blue lips. My son was in serious trouble. I opened the car door, holding his fragile body close to mine, rubbing his face. Is this really happening? And then, miraculously, his eyes fluttered open, and he began to breathe. Just like that, his color returned. A wave of relief washed over me.
The EMTs arrived, lifting him from my arms as I crumpled to the gravel, overwhelmed with terror and gratitude. “Hey buddy, you okay?” they asked him, cracking jokes to lighten the mood. “You sure scared Mommy!”
In that moment, as they carried him away, I took a breath and allowed myself to sob, processing the sheer terror of what had just occurred. Leo had a seizure—a febrile seizure, to be exact, which I later learned is somewhat common in young children. I discovered this while sitting in the ambulance, with my confused little boy lying on the stretcher, blissfully unaware of the chaos.
The EMTs reassured me that Leo’s vitals were stable, so I checked in on Mia at home and then called my husband, relieved to say, “Everything is okay now.” I was grateful I could handle the situation while he was in a meeting, oblivious to the panic unfolding. “I’m in an ambulance with Leo. He’s fine now, but something happened.” But I managed it. I was prepared for this, even though I’d typically panic at the sight of a scraped knee.
My husband rushed to the hospital, but I didn’t need him there; I just wanted to hold Leo, to feel his warmth and softness, and realize the depth of my luck. I allowed myself to think about what I could have lost, feeling proud of how I handled it. I ensured Mia was cared for, called for help, and was ready to drive Leo to safety. I didn’t crumble.
In retrospect, while Leo wasn’t in grave danger, I’ll never forget that day. Even now, I tear up thinking about it—out of relief, fear, and love.
Later, I shared our story on social media, seeking comfort. I rarely post personal stories, but I yearned for connection. The response was overwhelming: women from all walks of life shared their own similar experiences, recounting the same terror and helplessness. It was a reminder that we all navigate these challenges, discovering strengths we never knew we had.
With a 40% chance of recurrence before age 6, I was hyper-vigilant every time Leo complained of feeling unwell. “Mommy, why are you staring at me?” he’d ask. Because I love you, sweet boy. I love you so much.
Fortunately, moments like these are rare, where reality slaps you in the face and makes you realize the depths of your love for your kids. While you may beat yourself up over daily mistakes—your meltdowns or allowing your children to wear mismatched outfits—these experiences serve as powerful reminders that the little things don’t diminish the monumental love you have for your children.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to heat up more mac and cheese and nuggets. Dinner waits for no one!
In Summary
Parenting can be an emotional rollercoaster, with moments that challenge and reveal our true strengths. From medical emergencies to everyday struggles, these experiences shape us into resilient parents who love fiercely, despite the chaos.
For more insights on home insemination, you can check out this article or visit Make A Mom for authoritative information. For additional resources on pregnancy and home insemination, IVF Babble is an excellent option.