It’s the end of 2016 (for just a few more hours), and while we’ve made progress in sharing responsibilities between men and women, there’s still a hefty load on our shoulders—specifically the mental load that moms seem to bear alone. We need someone to step up and help with that mental gymnastics routine we call parenting. All those little details that only we seem to remember? They’re making us feel like we’re drowning.
Dr. Sarah Thompson, a sociology professor at Maplewood University, recently wrote for a popular parenting blog about the “invisible labor” that weighs down women. She referenced a poignant piece from a mom blogger named Ellen Smith, who juggles three kids and lists all the things she “notices” that her family overlooks. “I’m the one who realizes we’re out of toilet paper,” she quips. Plus, who keeps track of coffee pods, toothpaste, and everyone’s favorite peanut butter? Spoiler: It’s usually the mom.
While Dr. Thompson acknowledges that Ellen’s observations aren’t mere complaints, a recent study indicated that although women cohabitating with men do more domestic work, men often spend more time in paid employment. When you tally the hours spent on both paid and unpaid tasks, it may seem equal between genders. But as Dr. Thompson points out, that doesn’t account for all the mental energy women expend just thinking about it all.
She references a study by sociologist Jane Miller, titled Thinking About the Baby, which, despite being published back in 1996, still rings true today. Miller’s research involved interviews with new parents and discovered that even in households where dads “help out,” it’s still women who handle the emotional and logistical juggling act. Sure, dads might drive the kids to their activities and tackle whatever tasks are handed to them, but it’s their female partners who manage the behind-the-scenes chaos. It’s way more challenging than simply being the family chauffeur.
Moreover, Dr. Thompson highlights that this mental burden isn’t limited to household supplies; it extends to decisions about wardrobes and safety in the outside world. Women often find themselves worrying about everything from the right shade of lipstick for job interviews to the appropriate hemline for weddings and funerals. Men typically have clear-cut choices that don’t invite scrutiny, while women face a minefield of considerations.
In short, being a woman can be exhausting. Yes, someone has to keep track of all these details, but there’s no reason men can’t step up to share the load, allowing women’s minds to be a little less cluttered. After all, we could use that brain space to think of new things to stress over.
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In summary, the mental load that mothers carry is significant, and it’s time for partners to step in and share that burden, making life a bit lighter for everyone involved.