I’ve got a lot of life lessons to share with you, starting with the most important one: don’t be a jerk. This means learning to share, being kind, showing empathy, working hard, and a ton of other essential skills. However, judging by the current state of our home, it seems I might have missed a key lesson under the “don’t be a jerk” category: please, for the love of all that is sacred, put your things where they belong.
If you need a refresher on this, let me break it down for you. All this chaos scattered around the house? Believe it or not, there are actual places for your stuff. (I know, shocking!) Here are a few of those places:
The Trash Can
I’m getting tired of digging out squished snack wrappers from the couch cushions. Our living room floor resembles a granola bar explosion. Those plastic wrappers from string cheese — and sometimes half-eaten cheese sticks — are taking over your room (where, by the way, you shouldn’t be eating, but we’ll tackle that later). Juice boxes, tape balls, scraps of paper, chewed gum, and all the random bits you drag in from outside? They belong in that rectangular plastic box in the kitchen, commonly known as “the trash.”
The Dishwasher
You seem to think that dirty dishes magically return to the cabinets sparkling clean. Spoiler alert: that fairy is called “Mom,” and she’s getting pretty fed up with your mess. Honestly, the time I spend collecting dirty bowls and rogue spoons could be spent on other things. Luckily, we have this handy appliance in our kitchen that cleans your dishes for you. Just open the door, slide the rack out, put your dish in, and close it. I know you can handle this because I’ve seen you conquer complex video games.
The Hamper
I understand that my taste in home décor might not be your favorite, but that tall bin in the laundry room and the smaller ones in each bedroom are there for a reason. Those are the places for your dirty clothes! I don’t want to find them on the bathroom floor, in a trail leading from your room to the shower, or anywhere else besides the designated clothes hamper.
The Closet
I get it; you might need your shoes in a hurry when a friend shows up to go biking. Still, I promise it takes just a few more seconds to grab your shoes from where they belong. This might even save you time since you spend at least five minutes every day searching for them after you kicked them off without a care.
The Toy Box
You know how grocery stores are organized? That’s because if everything were just thrown all over the floor, it would be a disaster — much like your room when you don’t return your toys to the spot you took them from. You know, the box specifically for your toys? It’s called the toy box.
The Toilet
While we’re on the topic of proper receptacles, let’s discuss where you put the results of your bodily functions. There’s a hole with water in it — please aim there. And those boogers? They don’t belong on the wall, wiped on your mattress, or on your fingers. That’s why I keep tissues stocked throughout the house.
I’m hoping this little reminder will lead us to a tidier home — or at least one that doesn’t make me want to cry over my lack of a non-existent housekeeper. You can help me with this, right? Because remember, not being a jerk starts with being considerate to your mother.
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In summary, teaching you to be responsible for your belongings is a crucial part of growing up. By putting things in their proper place, we can create a neater household and foster respect within our family.