Let’s Stop the Debate About What It Means to Be a “Single Mom”

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Whether we like it or not, we all have an image of what a “single mom” looks like—good, bad, or somewhere in between. I used to have my own preconceived notion before stepping into those shoes.

The stereotype often paints a picture of a woman juggling multiple kids and working tirelessly just to scrape by. She’s perpetually overwhelmed, teetering on the edge of chaos, and one spilled glass of milk away from a meltdown. She sacrifices precious moments with her children to make ends meet, and some might misjudge her as someone who “abuses the system” while relying on welfare. Many assume she’s devoid of support and is trapped in a cycle reflective of her own upbringing.

The paths that lead to single motherhood are diverse. She might be a young mom who found herself unwed, a woman who got blindsided by life’s challenges, or someone who loved too deeply and clung on longer than she should have. Perhaps she faced unimaginable trauma, or maybe her marriage took a turn she never anticipated. She could even be a widow or someone who consciously chose this journey to embrace motherhood.

Single moms, solo moms, or whatever label you prefer, come from all walks of life. The negative stereotypes may exist, but they often misrepresent the reality.

Regardless of individual circumstances, a single mother—like any mother—juggles countless responsibilities, and sometimes things fall apart. That’s simply the truth of motherhood, regardless of marital status.

What has surprised me most about single motherhood isn’t just the hurdles or the heartache I expected to face. It’s the subtle judgment that can arise within the single mom community itself. I’ve noticed an unspoken hierarchy, which can be quite disheartening.

Most women don’t wake up and think, “I’d love to raise kids solo!” Yet, life takes unexpected turns, and we adapt. We strive to improve, sacrifice for our children, and do our best, day in and day out—just like all moms.

We’ve all heard about the so-called “mom wars,” and I can’t stand them. But it’s fascinating to see how these battles shift when single motherhood enters the ring. Instead of debates over breastfeeding or schooling, the contention can escalate to child support, the presence of fathers, or whether one was married before becoming a single parent.

Some single moms look down on others who seem to have it easier. Those with family support or active co-parents might hear things like, “She’s not a real single mom. Try having no child support and dealing with a parent who’s never met their child. I’m the one doing it all alone.”

It’s true that some situations are tougher than others, but every individual struggle is valid. Parenting is universally challenging. So, why do we judge one another based on our circumstances?

What does a “real single mom” look like? Here’s my take: She’s a hero in every sense. She embodies wisdom gained from hardship, and despite her exhaustion, she’s determined. She’s the frazzled mess with kids trailing behind, or the polished professional in heels. She could be in sweatpants or dressed to the nines, all while juggling the chaos of motherhood.

She’s strong, beautiful, and brave—without the need to conform to any stereotype. Regardless of how we arrived at this point, we’re all navigating the rollercoaster of motherhood together.

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In summary, let’s remember that all mothers face unique challenges, and it’s crucial to support one another instead of judging our differences.