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2017: More Than Just a Year of Hope, It’s a Year to Stand and Fight
Since 2011, my partner and I have been on a relentless journey to become parents—one filled with a range of losses that I never imagined we would face when we first decided to start our family six years ago. People often ask how we manage to stay hopeful in such a heart-wrenching pursuit. How do we maintain that glimmer of optimism despite the overwhelming tragedies that have marked our path?
As we bid farewell to 2016 and welcome 2017, I find myself pondering what true hope means—the kind that drives us to take action and inspire change. It seems that many of us are searching for this kind of hope as we embark on a new and uncertain year.
So here’s to 2017, my resolution of hope:
A couple of years back, my partner and I left the hospital the morning after giving birth to our son. Unlike the typical discharge stories filled with joy and excitement, our ride home was steeped in an eerie silence. Our son was stillborn due to a rare congenital condition, and as we drove in the front seats of our car, I felt an overwhelming urge to escape the reality surrounding us.
That miserable journey home through Boston rush hour felt endless. I shut my eyes, wishing I could block out the sight of others going about their ordinary lives—sipping coffee, listening to NPR, and heading to work—while we were grappling with unimaginable grief.
Fast forward two and a half months, and we found ourselves on another flight—this time from Kansas back to Boston, again without a child in our arms. I had imagined a joyful return with our newborn son, but the birth mother had decided to parent him herself just before he arrived. So, we returned home to our empty nursery, just the two of us once more. I put on my headphones but didn’t play any music, leaning on my partner’s shoulder, hoping no one would engage me in trivial conversation.
These two lonely trips home framed a brutal cycle of IVF attempts, miscarriages, and the heartache of adoption. Yet, our determination to keep holding onto hope remains unyielding.