Jan. 6, 2023
I’ve always had a distaste for confrontation. It’s a feeling that has lingered since childhood. I often feared the judgment of others, leading me to shy away from conflict. One vivid memory stands out: when I was about 9 or 10, my mom handed me some cash for frozen yogurt at TCBY in the mall while she waited at a nearby table. As I stood in line, a teenager boldly cut in front of me. I froze, too timid to say anything, when suddenly, my mom stormed over and exclaimed, “Excuse me, my daughter has been waiting in line, and you just cut her!” I could barely manage a whisper of “Mooommm” before the girl reluctantly retreated behind me. It was mortifying. Frozen yogurt had never tasted so awful. “You need to speak up for yourself,” my mom reiterated—something I’d hear many times over the years.
Fast-forward nearly two decades, and I can admit I’ve made some strides. I now ask for extra skim milk in my coffee when the barista barely adds a splash, and I’ll voice my thoughts when taxi drivers try to overcharge me. I’m less of a wallflower and more of a participant. But still, I find it uncomfortable to be the center of attention, which often led me to avoid conflict altogether—until I got pregnant.
Being pregnant for the first time is an exhilarating experience, but it also brings a wave of self-doubt—should I really have eaten that turkey sandwich three days after conception? I dove headfirst into research, determined to do everything right for my little embryo, which was the size of a poppy seed but already cherished deeply.
As my first doctor’s appointment approached, I meticulously crafted a list of questions, eager to clarify every little detail. Some queries may have seemed trivial, but as a first-time mom, I craved reassurance. I managed to ask half of my “less silly” questions before the moment of truth arrived: the more personal ones. The old me, consumed by anxiety and worried about holding up the doctor, would have just said, “Never mind, I’ll consult Doctor Google!” But the new me, the mom version, refused to let that happen.
This was about my baby’s well-being. So I asked about the few glasses of wine I had before realizing I was pregnant (pushing aside the fear of judgment), whether sleeping on my stomach at eight weeks was unsafe (silencing the voice telling me I was overthinking), and if it was concerning that I saw my heart rate rise to 150 during exercise when I’d read it shouldn’t exceed 140. Surprisingly, the world didn’t end. The doctor didn’t kick me out. Instead, I left with answers and a reassuring sense that everything was on track.
Eight months later, my daughter entered the world, and that’s when the real adventure began. Suddenly, everyone had an opinion about parenting. I listened to their advice—some helpful, some not—and pushed aside my old reluctance to confront. The truth is, I’m the only authority on raising my daughter.
Did some visitors look annoyed when I insisted they wash their hands before holding my newborn? Yes. Did they act offended when I stepped away to breastfeed? Absolutely. Did I receive unsolicited advice and feel silently judged for ignoring it? Of course. But did I let any of that bother me? Nope. If my daughter ever finds herself cut in line for frozen yogurt and stays silent, you can bet I’ll be the mom who leaps to her defense. For now, I’m here to guide her, teaching her that standing up for herself doesn’t mean being unpleasant and that the only judgment that truly matters is the one she places on herself.
For more insights on navigating the journey of pregnancy and assertiveness, check out this helpful resource on intrauterine insemination and consider exploring options for boosting fertility as well.
Summary:
Pregnancy transformed my approach to self-advocacy. Initially hesitant to confront others, I learned to voice my concerns and prioritize my well-being for the sake of my unborn child. Pregnancy shifted my mindset, empowering me to stand firm against judgment and embrace my role as a mother. Now, I’m determined to teach my daughter the importance of speaking up for herself, ensuring she knows that her voice matters.