One chilly day after Christmas, I found myself in the attic with my 7-year-old daughter, Lucy, as we worked on creating a storage space. Both of us donned headlamps to navigate through the dimly lit, dust-filled area. With plywood beneath our feet and precarious sheetrock all around, one misstep could send either of us tumbling into the garage below. Lucy was bundled up in a thick purple coat, a cozy brown faux-fur-lined hood framing her face, a color-changing Frozen T-shirt peeking out, and a blue skirt completing her outfit. As she crouched down, her tiny knees tucked under her, she handed me nails with a bright smile.
When I asked my 9-year-old son, Max, to help, he looked at me as if I had requested he build a spaceship instead of just putting down a few strips of wood. He quickly expressed that the attic was far too scary and cold for his liking. Just as I was about to use my dad voice to insist he help, Lucy tugged at my pant leg and chirped, “I’ll help, Daddy!”
Over the past year, Lucy has become my little sidekick. She’s the one accompanying me on trips to the hardware store, handing me tools, and enthusiastically recounting episodes of her favorite shows while we tackle various projects. To be honest, I’m not exactly a DIY expert; my father was rarely around, and I’ve learned most of what I know from YouTube tutorials and a fair bit of trial and error (which often involves me hitting my fingers with a hammer).
If I’m honest, even if my dad had been more present, I might have still taken a page out of Max’s book, avoiding manual labor like the plague. There are times I do insist he helps, not just because I need an extra set of hands, but also because I want to spend time with him and teach him essential life skills. For a while, I thought solely about Max when it came to teaching tool use.
However, as Lucy grows older and continues to express her eagerness to help with home maintenance, I’ve had to rethink my outdated belief that only my son should be ‘Dad’s Helper.’
This shift in perspective reminds me of an article by Sarah Mitchell titled “I Don’t Wait for My Partner to Get Home. I Can Do Things Myself.” In it, she describes fixing a garage door when her son suggested waiting for Dad to do it. Her response was empowering: “I told him I could handle it myself and didn’t need to wait for his father.” She goes on to emphasize that women are just as capable as men, whether they’re using a drill, fixing a sink, or leading a major corporation. This also applies to men being just as capable of taking care of children or running a household, tasks often deemed “women’s work.”
While it’s crucial for my son to know how to swing a hammer and operate a drill, it’s equally important for all my children to grow up understanding their capabilities, regardless of gender. I want them to feel no shame in choosing roles traditionally seen as male or female.
Over the past year, I’ve shown Lucy how to hold wood to avoid splinters, swing a hammer, operate screws, open paint cans, navigate ladders, carefully walk on roofs while cleaning gutters, lay mulch, and even turn off the water main. Each time we work together, she gazes up at me with bright curiosity, and the bond we share is genuine, transcending traditional gender roles.
After we finished laying down plywood in the attic, I helped her down the ladder. Once on solid ground, she beamed up at me, hugged my leg, and asked when we could tackle the attic again. Though my knees and back ached from crawling around, her excitement was contagious. “Next weekend,” I replied, “I need a break.” She practically bounced with joy, as if I had just invited her to a birthday party, and rushed inside to brag to Max about using a hammer.
Like all phases in parenting, I’m not sure how long this “Daddy’s Helper” chapter will last, but for now, I’m relishing the opportunity to teach her practical skills. I want her to be independent and capable, not waiting for someone else to take charge. I want both my children to enter the world knowing they can contribute equally in any relationship they choose. So for now, I’ll keep inviting her to lend a hand, and I hope her enthusiasm stays around for a while longer.
If you’re interested in more insights about parenting and home dynamics, check out this post on home insemination kits, which provides great information on family planning. And for those looking to further their knowledge about pregnancy, Healthline is an excellent resource. Additionally, if you want to explore DIY insemination options, Make a Mom offers comprehensive guidance.
In summary, I’ve come to realize that both my son and daughter should learn essential skills in life, regardless of gender. I want them to grow up confident in their abilities, ready to engage in any task, and to expect equality in their future relationships.