Isn’t it funny how adults love to chat about prepping kids for the “real world”? We’ve picked up some snarky phrases like “special snowflake” and have a tendency to accuse parents of wrapping their kids in cotton wool. The theory seems to be: “How will kids ever tackle real challenges if they expect a participation trophy every time they don’t win or can’t handle a little schoolyard teasing?”
While I get the urge to equip our kids for whatever life throws their way, I think we do them a disservice by presenting adult life as a million times tougher than childhood. Honestly, it’s not. In many ways, being a kid can be way tougher.
One thing that grown-ups often overlook is that kids are just in the early stages of flexing their emotional muscles. You know how when you first hit the gym, you’re out of breath in no time, can’t lift much, and end up sore in places you didn’t even know existed? Childhood is like that. Every experience is new—disappointment, discouragement, embarrassment, heartbreak—and kids feel these things deeply.
When I reflect on my most cringe-worthy moments, they mostly hail from my childhood. As an adult, I’ve learned how to sidestep embarrassing situations, but those early experiences of humiliation were intense and unforgettable.
And let’s not forget that a huge chunk of childhood is downright overwhelming. Imagine being told what to do by adults all day, every day! Sure, adults bear heavier responsibilities, but we don’t have a parade of older folks bossing us around constantly. We get to choose how we spend our time and make decisions for ourselves, even if those choices come with consequences. Most of the time, those consequences don’t include a guaranteed time-out for stepping out of line.
On top of all that, kids have to navigate bullies in a way that adults simply don’t. If a colleague insulted me, shoved me, or threatened me, I’d be dialing HR faster than you can say “workplace harassment.” But children endure that kind of treatment—whether as victims or witnesses—and are expected to figure out how to handle it. Sure, many schools promote anti-bullying programs, but studies show they don’t always do the trick. Bullying is a pervasive issue, and kids often feel powerless to fight back. That’s not easy!
Throw in the barrage of new information they’re absorbing daily and the whirlwind changes their bodies are experiencing, and it’s clear that childhood isn’t a cakewalk. Their worries might seem trivial compared to ours, but to them, they are real and just as hard to navigate. They feel emotions just like we do, often more intensely, and lack the life experience to manage them with grace. Heck, even we adults don’t always process our feelings smoothly. So why do we expect kids to do it consistently?
As parents, we have the dual task of preparing our children for adulthood and supporting them through the ups and downs of childhood. The first two decades of life are a wild ride filled with joy and discovery, but also challenges. Even kids from loving, stable homes face hurdles—imagine how much tougher it is for kids dealing with divorce, poverty, or mental health issues. Childhood is much more complex than we often give it credit for.
While coddling isn’t the answer, dismissing their struggles as “wimpy” doesn’t help either. Kids are kids, not tiny adults. We must recognize that they live in their own “real world” where their struggles are just as significant as ours. They require our support and empathy alongside our strength. I’m convinced that offering both helps them develop the coping tools they’ll need throughout their lives. If we belittle their experiences, how will they ever feel equipped to tackle “real” challenges? Validating their feelings instills confidence, and that’s where real growth happens.
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In summary, childhood is a challenging journey filled with emotional growth and experiences that shape our kids in profound ways. As adults, we must remember this and offer support, understanding, and validation to help them navigate their unique “real world.”