I Adore My Family, But Please Give Me Some Space

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For the first time in over ten years, both of my kids are off to school all day. That means I get to enjoy six glorious hours at home—completely by myself. Sure, I’m working remotely, so it’s not like I’m lounging around eating bonbons, but apart from my two mischievous dogs, I am entirely alone, and it’s pure bliss.

Let me clarify: I cherish my family deeply. However, there are moments when a woman simply craves the tranquility of a quiet house devoid of the background noise of ESPN, wrestling matches in the living room, or World War III erupting over whose turn it is on the Xbox. With two sons and a husband in the mix, my home can sometimes resemble a raucous arena. Okay, let’s be honest—it’s downright loud, and there’s only so much screeching one person can reasonably tolerate.

Recently, my kids had an incredibly long holiday break from school. While it was fantastic to swap homework and strict bedtimes for lazy pajama mornings and movie marathons, after a few weeks of togetherness, I started feeling a bit unhinged. On the morning they returned to school, I may or may not have done a tiny happy dance in my kitchen. Then, I settled down to work like any other adult.

The reality is, while I adore my family and enjoy spending quality time with them, I need my alone time—lots of it. When I’m by myself, I can breathe freely, think clearly, and, believe it or not, use the bathroom without worrying about little ones barging in.

Now, alone time isn’t necessarily the same as “me time,” although they do occasionally overlap. “Me time” usually suggests a more indulgent or relaxing experience—like a weekend mani-pedi, a girls’ night out, or a dinner date with your partner. These are essential for nurturing our spirits, which can get lost amid the daily grind of parenting. While “me time” is crucial, it’s distinct from just needing to be alone.

Alone time simply means that—being alone! Whether I’m working, cleaning closets, journaling, or even doing some online shopping, it doesn’t matter as long as I’m not interrupted and can avoid social interaction.

For many parents, especially those who stay at home, finding alone time can feel like an impossible task. But it doesn’t require lengthy absences or extravagant getaways. Alone time can be as simple as a few extra minutes in the bathroom or a quick stroll around the block after the kids are tucked in.

Of course, there are trade-offs for that precious alone time. Everything has a cost, whether it’s lost sleep, missing out on a girls’ night, or sitting in a cold car while everyone else is inside. A few mornings each week, I wake up long before dawn to snag a few moments of solitude. I exercise, check my emails, and gradually warm up to the day in the peaceful quiet. Even though I’m often exhausted and can barely keep my eyes open, those silent minutes are invaluable. When all else fails, sometimes you have to get creative; nothing clears the area faster than announcing you’ve got PMS and plan to rage-clean your home.

This cherished alone time, free from kids asking for snacks or adults seeking my attention, is not merely a luxury; it’s a necessity. It’s during these quiet moments—when I’m not playing the roles of wife or mother—that I rediscover myself, allowing me to be the best wife and mother I can be the rest of the time.

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In summary, while family life can be chaotic and noisy, carving out time for yourself is essential for maintaining your sanity and sense of self. Alone time is not just a luxury; it’s a necessity for every parent navigating the delightful but often overwhelming journey of raising children.