When I made a career switch at 25, I found myself in a sophisticated workplace filled with women of various ages, from my peers to those in their mid-60s. On my first day, I was told to spend half an hour with each colleague to learn about their roles and how they related to mine. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen as planned.
Instead, a few women eagerly shared tales of how toxic the environment was—gossip, backstabbing, and constant competition. “Welcome to your new nightmare. You’re going to hate it here,” was the general vibe I picked up during this unpleasant introduction. Frankly, it felt like a colossal waste of my time.
Instead of being inspired by my new role, I was overwhelmed by negativity. I often thought about escaping, but I didn’t. In hindsight, the drama I witnessed taught me a valuable lesson: I never wanted to emulate that behavior—not even a little. Their constant criticism of others indicated their own unhappiness. They were so consumed by negativity that they buried their own potential, forgetting how to thrive without tearing someone else down.
There’s plenty of opportunity for all of us to reach our goals without diminishing others. Achieving success with integrity is far more rewarding than resorting to deceit or gossip. As women, we’re often told that our focus should be on self-improvement rather than comparing ourselves to others. Easier said than done, right? We all know that making comparisons can lead to feelings of inadequacy, often leaving us feeling like we don’t measure up.
We are inherently curious and sometimes jealous. When pursuing our dreams, it can be difficult not to glance at those we perceive as more successful. The truth is, everyone has a unique journey. You might excel in an area where someone else struggles, and vice versa.
Recently, I was chatting with my friend Lisa about this very topic. She pointed out that when women see others thriving—whether in marriage, family, or career—the instinct is often to wish to be them, rather than aspiring to succeed in our own unique way. This can create a negative mental spiral that fuels the desire to bring others down.
I’ve seen women so consumed with outpacing each other that they trip over themselves in the process. However, I’ve also witnessed women who navigate challenges gracefully, acknowledging their feelings of jealousy but redirecting that energy toward personal growth and celebrating others’ successes.
These women achieve their goals with a positive mindset: “I want this, and I’ll earn it honestly.” Their happiness radiates, creating a supportive environment instead of one based on rivalry. We need more women like that, and we should nurture that mindset in our daughters. This is what it means to be a true Queen.
Let’s release the negativity that holds us back and instead hone our talents. It’s far more fulfilling and peaceful to focus on our own paths. This “That girl is going down” mentality starts young. I remember addressing this same nonsense with my daughter during a second-grade conference. It’s a learned behavior, but we can rise above it. Perfection isn’t the goal; we’ll always find things to critique. But there’s room for everyone at the table, and we must set an example for our children. Trying to undermine others only makes you look bad, and we’re all working hard to raise kind individuals.
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In summary, let’s empower one another in our pursuits. By fostering a supportive community, we can achieve our goals without the need to bring anyone else down.