Can You Spot the Difference Between a Dog Toy and a Sex Toy? Maybe Not.

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Let’s take a whimsical detour into the absurd. Picture a scenario where someone glances at their dog’s toy basket and thinks, “Hmm… I bet that’d spice things up in the bedroom.” Wait, what?! Absolutely not!

After stumbling upon a rather shocking rumor, I now view a Kong with a mix of horror and bewilderment. Allegedly, a dog toy named Būmi has been recognized as a sex toy. I couldn’t bring myself to dive too deep into the internet’s dark corners for verification, but let’s just say my curiosity took a hit. Just the sight of this tug toy made me wonder, “Where on earth would that go?” and “Is that even a handle?”

It turns out that the practice of using dog toys as sex toys isn’t as peculiar as it sounds. Yes, folks actually do this! Many dog toys are non-toxic, flexible, and have shapes that could easily be mistaken for something else entirely. After this little revelation, I fear my ads will never be the same, not to mention my kids might think we’re getting a new pet. Seriously, never ever Google sex toys and dog toys together. Just don’t.

While it’s true that some people have turned dog toys into intimate companions, if you glance at some of the more creative sex toys out there, you might find it hard to draw a line. In fact, I came across a video of moms blindfolded and attempting to differentiate between the two. Spoiler alert: it’s trickier than it seems. cough cough

Here are some enlightening takeaways I discovered while wading through the peculiar world of dog and sex toys:

1. People are incredibly strange. I mean, some of what I found seemed less like pleasure and more like instruments of torture. No judgment here; consenting adults can enjoy whatever floats their boat, and I’ll stick to my basic vanilla latte, thanks.
2. There’s a vast market for body-inserted items that I was blissfully unaware of. It seems like a lot of prep work goes into some people’s private lives.
3. A “vajankle” exists, and now I’m contemplating setting my computer ablaze. Trust me, do not Google this.
4. My kids are now banned from the internet, or I must ensure I’m always one step ahead with the strongest filters imaginable. What happens when they hit their teenage years? Yep, definitely torching this computer.
5. I sincerely hope those who use dog toys for other purposes don’t actually have dogs, as that could lead to some very confusing scenarios.
6. WHY?!
7. After this rabbit hole of bizarre information, I’ll never view people or pet supplies the same way again. You might just find me chuckling in aisle seven at the pet store.
8. Dog toy descriptions will never read the same to me again. I’m permanently scarred. Who knew phrases like “designed for dogs with intense play drives!” could carry such double meanings?
9. It makes sense when you think about it: dog toys tend to be cheaper than sex toys and are likely made from similar materials. Wait, am I rationalizing this? What’s happening?!
10. If I can’t unsee this, neither can you. You’re welcome!

In conclusion: Human creativity knows no bounds, the internet is full of surprises (and some horrors), and I’ve clearly been out of the loop for the past decade. I genuinely feel bad for all those sex shops that might find themselves suffering from a sales slump thanks to the dog aisle at your local Petco.

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