Massive Alligator Highlights Why Florida Shouldn’t Exist

home insemination Kit

Meet the Nope-igator, Florida’s unwelcome resident.

Every now and then, a viral video emerges that makes you question your life choices. You know, the ones with “Florida,” “giant,” and some kind of reptile in the title. That’s exactly why we found ourselves clicking on a Facebook video showcasing a gargantuan alligator roaming the Sunshine State. Our curiosity gets the better of us every time.

This particular behemoth was filmed by Lisa Greene at the Circle B Bar Reserve in Lakeland, Florida. Since its posting, it has racked up over 10 million views. During her visit, Lisa and a few other seemingly nonchalant tourists watched this alligator—affectionately nicknamed “Humpback” due to, well, a hump on its back and an imaginary romantic interest it can’t seem to approach—stroll casually across the path, just feet from the onlookers.

Let’s imagine how I would have captured this moment: The End.

This alligator is estimated to be around 12 feet long and weigh close to 1,000 pounds. Many online commentators are likening it to a dinosaur, as if that’s any more comforting than simply calling it an “alligator.” Honestly, “alligator” is scary enough for most of us. The alligator’s leisurely pace has also drawn attention, with one commenter quipping, “He looks like he’s used to visitors.” Sure, if “used to” means “well-fed.” Just look at that creature! Does it appear to be in any hurry? It’s not worried about cardio or escaping from anything—what could possibly threaten it? There’s not a single beast on this planet that would dare challenge this giant. Even weapons would probably gain sentience and think, “Don’t mess with that guy!”

Humpback is living the dream: no stress, no worries.

For those of us living far from Florida, this video raises eyebrows about why anyone would willingly hang out in a place where alligators just saunter out from the underbrush. A quick look at the Circle B’s website reveals how laid-back Floridians are about the presence of these enormous, toothy reptiles. Here’s a taste of the “recreational opportunities” they offer at this haven of heightened alertness:

1. Bicycling (Children under 16 must wear helmets and should be able to sprint up to 35 mph when necessary.)
2. Birdwatching (Learn about the food chain—fun!)
3. Fishing (I don’t think so.)
4. Hiking (They recommend the “Alligator Alley Trail,” which is nicely unpaved for that extra thrill. And don’t worry about bringing your own pack; the trail is practically littered with them.)
5. Picnicking (Because watching nature eat nature is a real hoot.)

Thanks, Florida, for the constant reminder that your state was never intended for human habitation. Please, Floridians, take a moment to reflect. We cannot normalize the existence of car-sized alligators. Not now, not ever.

Summary

A massive alligator, dubbed “Humpback,” was filmed casually crossing a path at Circle B Bar Reserve in Florida, sparking widespread concern and disbelief about the safety of the area. With its enormous size and laid-back demeanor, it’s a stark reminder of why the state feels less than hospitable for humans. As we ponder why people would venture into alligator territory, it’s essential to recognize the inherent dangers and absurdity of normalizing such creatures in populated areas.