I have shouted. I have pleaded and coaxed. I have shown and reminded, and yet, the lovely individuals who share my home persist in their laundry transgressions. So, I’ve retreated to my personal sanctuary (okay, it’s just my closet) and emerged with these vital guidelines: The 10 Commandments of Laundry. Read these well, my dears.
- I am the Laundry Chief. Thou shalt follow all commandments and do so with a grin.
Grateful acknowledgments are always welcomed. Break these rules, and you may find yourself forever stuck with your own laundry. You should appreciate that your clothes magically appear in your drawers—well, next to them in a basket, really. Show some gratitude! - Thou shalt verify if items are genuinely dirty before tossing them in the laundry.
Wore it for 10 minutes? Not dirty. Wore it for a day and it looks and smells fine? Still not dirty. And if it’s a dry-clean-only piece and you can’t find a hanger? Definitely not dirty. - Thou shalt refrain from washing brand new clothes.
Sure, some say you should wash new clothes before wearing them, but let’s face it: it’s in the laundry because you’re too lazy to find a place for it. Just toss that shirt in your overflowing drawer or at least take off those tags. - Thou shalt not wash socks that are still paired.
A ball of socks won’t get clean or dry. It’s like a sock burrito, and nobody is fooled by that. - Thou shalt turn all clothing right side out.
Nobody has time to reach into your dirty leggings to retrieve your socks. Which leads us to… - Thou shalt ALWAYS extract any undergarments from clothing before entering the laundry.
No one wants to fish your dirty underwear out of your clothes. Important life lesson here. This applies when wearing two shirts as well—separate those layers! - Thou shalt empty your pockets.
Items left in pockets can either get ruined (goodbye, cherished Pokémon cards) or ruin something else (hello, black Sharpie on your favorite tee). Let’s avoid a repeat of the time the washing machine broke due to coins—a disaster I’d rather not relive. - Thou shalt instruct all dolls and stuffed animals to handle their own laundry.
Unless these items are truly dirty, they don’t need a wash. I have enough on my plate, thank you very much. Feel free to give them a wash if you want to experience my world firsthand. - Thou shalt at least attempt to empty folded laundry from the basket before adding dirty items.
Seeing neatly folded laundry buried under a mountain of dirty clothes can ignite genuine rage in a mom. Show your appreciation by putting your clothes where they belong. - Thou shalt not hoard gym clothes, wet towels, or anything that smells.
These items require immediate attention. They need to meet soap and water right away, or you might earn the nickname “Stinky” at your next game.
Someday, it may dawn on me that you can handle this laundry business yourselves, and I’ll try to make that happen. But honestly, I know these days are fleeting. I will eventually miss the times when the laundry baskets overflowed with tiny clothes (and not just tiny people). So, I’ll take a deep breath, dig out the Legos from your pockets, fold your favorite shirt, and cherish this chaotic journey of motherhood—even the maddening moments (seriously, that shirt still has the tags on it!). After all, having you all here, driving me slightly insane with your laundry, means you’re still under our roof just a little longer. And that’s all I need. That, and for you to put your laundry away.
Thanks,
Mom
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Summary:
This humorous guide outlines the essential “10 Commandments of Laundry” that every family member should follow to maintain harmony in the household. From checking if clothes are genuinely dirty to managing your laundry responsibilities, these rules are designed to simplify the often chaotic task of laundry while fostering gratitude and cooperation among family members.