My little guy is about to turn 3, and yes, he still has his beloved pacifier, which he affectionately calls his “bink.” Now, I wish I could say that I’m completely unfazed by what others think, but let’s be real—I’m not. There’s a part of me that wishes he didn’t still use it. I feel a twinge of guilt sometimes and find myself wondering what other parents might think when he asks for his paci.
This guilt doesn’t even stem from my own expectations, which is the most frustrating part. Generally, I’m not one to sweat the small stuff. I don’t care when kids take their first steps or cling to a lovey; every child grows at their own pace, and I believe they’ll reach milestones when they’re ready.
For my son, his pacifier is a source of comfort. He’s been dealing with recurring ear infections since he was a baby. Despite our countless visits to specialists, the problems have become a chronic hassle, often accompanied by pain. As a mom, watching your child suffer is gut-wrenching. When the pain medication falls short, it’s his bink he turns to. I’d give him anything to ease his discomfort.
This pacifier is really the only thing he’s attached to; he doesn’t have a favorite toy or blanket. It feels wrong to take it away when he isn’t ready. Sure, I could go through the hassle of “breaking the habit” and deal with a few nights of tantrums, but why? What’s the harm in letting him keep it a bit longer until he decides to give it up himself?
I like to weigh the pros and cons of parenting choices, you know? The American Dental Association states that as long as a child stops using a pacifier by age 4, it won’t negatively impact their dental or emotional development. Honestly, I can’t see how letting him have it is more harmful than taking it away.
Would I feel the same pressure if his comfort object was an old, scruffy teddy bear? Probably not. My guilt comes from society’s standards of what’s considered “normal.” But the reality is, even if it doesn’t fit into the mainstream, it’s not causing any harm. Allowing him this comfort isn’t detrimental.
There’s still a lot of growing up to do before he turns 4, and I believe he’ll part with his bink long before that age rolls around. If he doesn’t, we’ll deal with it then. I may not be the typical parent in this regard, and that’s perfectly fine. I’m no expert, but it’s just a pacifier, not something as serious as heroin. I think I’m doing okay.
To all the moms out there feeling guilty about similar things—let it go! If you’re stressing over a pacifier, a blanket, or any of the countless little quirks kids have, you’re doing great because truly bad moms don’t worry about those things. This is small potatoes in the big picture. Save your worry for more pressing matters, and keep doing what’s best for you and your kiddos, even if some folks don’t agree.
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Summary:
The author shares her experience of having a 3-year-old who still uses a pacifier for comfort, while navigating societal pressures and her own feelings of guilt. She emphasizes the importance of allowing children to develop at their own pace and reassures other parents that it’s okay to let go of guilt over small parenting choices.