I’m a proud mother of a lively 6-year-old named Oliver, and I also care for my 71-year-old mother, whom I refer to as my daughter (it’s a title that has become quite fitting). Just over two years ago, my mother was diagnosed with dementia, and now my life revolves around caring for her, much like you would for a young child. Our household consists of my husband, Oliver, and our spirited dog, navigating this challenging yet enlightening journey together.
Every day, I grapple with fears: the fear of losing my mother’s essence completely, the fear that my husband may one day find our life too chaotic, and most importantly, the fear that Oliver will be emotionally impacted by witnessing the decline of his once-vibrant grandmother. I’ve always wanted his childhood to be filled with joy and carefree moments, but I’ve begun to realize that he’s gaining invaluable lessons through this experience—lessons that many adults might have yet to grasp. Here are five key insights my mother is inadvertently teaching Oliver:
1. Patience
Have you ever encountered a 6-year-old? Patience isn’t typically their strong suit. Oliver, being an only child, is used to having attention lavished on him. However, with my mother’s needs coming first due to her dementia, he’s learning the importance of waiting his turn. Whether it’s for the bathroom or meal time, he’s slowly but surely grasping that patience is an essential part of life.
2. Kindness
My mother’s medication changes often lead to mood swings and confusion. On one particularly challenging morning, after her dosage was adjusted, Oliver noticed her unsteadiness and intuitively decided to push a chair behind her as she walked, ready to catch her if she fell. It broke my heart that he had to think of such things, but I was also filled with pride at his compassionate nature—this is a kid who sometimes can’t wait for his snack!
3. Respecting Elders
One day, we will all grow old, and I hope that future generations will treat us with dignity. Oliver learns this respect daily as he helps clear plates for my mother, opens doors, and holds her hand for support. Our elders deserve our honor and care, and I’m glad he’s getting this lesson early on.
4. Acceptance
My mother is not the same woman she once was. Coming to terms with her illness has been a tough lesson for me, and I hope Oliver continues to embrace this new version of his grandmother. Acceptance is a vital life skill, and I believe it will serve him well as he grows older.
5. Strength
Dementia doesn’t just affect the individual; it impacts the entire family. I wish I could shield Oliver from its harsh realities, but witnessing his resilience gives me strength. He can still find joy, whether he’s building a Lego city or kicking a soccer ball, despite the challenges we face. His strength inspires me every day.
While I can’t cure my mother’s illness or shield my son from the realities of life, I take comfort in knowing that every experience is a chance for growth. I couldn’t be prouder of the character he’s developing through this journey.
For more insights on navigating life’s challenges, consider checking out this post on home insemination or learn about various aspects of pregnancy and family planning at Make a Mom, a trusted resource in this field. Additionally, for further information on IVF and related topics, visit News Medical.
In summary, the lessons Oliver is learning through caring for his grandmother are profound and will shape him into a compassionate and resilient individual. While it’s not the childhood I envisioned, it’s one filled with invaluable life lessons.