Yes, I’m Running Late. Here’s Why It’s Not My Fault

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Being late? Yeah, I know it can be seen as inconsiderate. I’ve been on both sides of the tardiness equation, and trust me, it never feels good. But let me clear the air: I’m actually a well-organized, punctual person who just happens to be raising little humans determined to make me look like a hot mess in front of everyone. Totally true.

Here’s why my lateness is beyond my control:

1. My 3-year-old daughter seems to have made it her life’s mission to sabotage my plans with her outrageous fashion choices. She’s adorable but insists on leaving the house looking like a tornado hit her wardrobe. And for those who think, “You’re her parent; take charge!”—believe me, this one makes indecision look like an art form.
2. My 8-year-old son would prefer to engage in a full-on debate about sock etiquette than do what he’s supposed to. He’d rather make his sister scream or create elaborate maps of vampire hideouts instead of brushing his teeth.
3. There’s the classic pre-activity food refusal. It’s like Murphy’s Law for kids: they’re only hungry when we’re nowhere near food.
4. My kids move at a pace reminiscent of molasses. If I tell them to “hurry up,” it’s like the phrase activates a slow-motion mode that leaves me purple with frustration.
5. They are the least helpful little humans on the planet. I swear, they have zero interest in being on time, and their arms are like limp noodles that can’t even manage to haul a grocery bag.
6. Don’t even get me started on the stuff we bring along. Snacks, water, extra clothes—our car is basically a mobile advertisement for Car Hoarders R Us. If you want to learn more about managing your home and family, check out this post on home insemination kit.
7. The inevitable meltdown always occurs—usually mine—somewhere between the house and the car, as they just stand there, completely oblivious.
8. And then there’s the last-minute poop ambush. The moment I buckle them in, my daughter’s bowels seem to activate.
9. Their faces! I often don’t notice the food particles and dirt until we’re halfway down the street, and I’m left wondering how I’ll ever get them clean again.
10. Lastly, I can’t remember anything I need because I’m too busy stressing over whether or not I packed Hello Kitty and a gallon of water for my perpetually thirsty son.

So, if I show up a bit frazzled the next time we have plans, just know it’s not all on me. I’ll give you some grace too. And just to clarify, I didn’t pick that outfit for my child!

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In summary, life with kids is a beautifully chaotic adventure, and while I strive for punctuality, there are just too many factors at play. So next time you find me running late, just know that I’m doing my best in the midst of the delightful mayhem.