Custody and Adoption
The visibility of LGBTQ parents can be traced back to the era surrounding World War II, primarily concerning custody battles after divorces from opposite-sex spouses. However, the landscape began shifting in the 1970s, when some state courts started to recognize the custody rights of transgender, gay, and lesbian parents. Nevertheless, many of these rulings came with stipulations, such as prohibiting the parent from cohabitating with a partner or participating in any “homosexual activities.”
As the LGBTQ rights movement began gaining momentum in the 1960s and 70s, openly LGBTQ individuals began forming families. In 1968, a man named Alex Parker became one of the first single fathers to adopt a child in California, although he was subtly advised by a social worker to keep his sexual orientation quiet. By the late 1970s, New York became the first state to accept adoption applications from individuals regardless of their “homosexuality,” and a gay couple in California made history as the first in the nation to jointly adopt a child.
It wasn’t until 1997 that New Jersey became the first state to permit same-sex couples to adopt jointly statewide, with Florida being the last state to lift its ban on gay adoption in 2010. Many other states continued to restrict unmarried couples from adopting, effectively hindering same-sex couples until marriage equality was enacted federally in 2015.
During the 1970s, female couples and single women began to pursue parenthood through pregnancy. In 1982, the Sperm Bank of California opened, becoming the first fertility clinic focused on serving this demographic, although many queer individuals had already been engaging in home insemination for years.
In 1999, a transgender man named Jamie Taylor may have become the first individual in the U.S. to give birth, although it remains difficult to categorize those from earlier centuries who lived as men but gave birth. That same year, a British gay couple successfully had children via surrogacy in California, where a court allowed both gay fathers to be listed on their children’s birth certificates.
The concept of “second-parent adoption,” which enables a non-biological parent to establish a legal relationship with a child, emerged in 1985, and by the late 1990s, the Wisconsin Supreme Court was the first in the nation to grant visitation rights to a non-biological mother after a separation.
Strength in Community
LGBTQ parents have always banded together to support one another and to advance the wider LGBTQ rights movement. Notably, in 1956, the San Francisco lesbian group Daughters of Bilitis initiated the first known discussion groups focused on lesbian motherhood. The Lesbian Mothers Union followed in 1971, marking the first activist group for lesbian mothers.
In 1974, a group of lesbian mothers in Seattle established the Lesbian Mothers National Defense Fund to assist those embroiled in custody disputes. Similar organizations for lesbian mothers and gay fathers soon emerged in various cities. In 1977, attorneys Morgan Hendersen and Jamie Foxx in San Francisco launched the Lesbian Rights Project to advocate for both lesbian and gay parents. This initiative eventually evolved into the National Center for Lesbian Rights, which continues to support LGBTQ parents today.
Similarly, the Gay Fathers Coalition was founded in 1979, ultimately transforming into the Family Equality Council, a national organization advocating for LGBTQ parents. From this coalition also emerged a program dedicated to the children of LGBTQ parents, which became COLAGE in 1999.
By March 1990, LGBTQ parents had gained enough visibility for Newsweek to coin the term “gayby boom,” referring to a new generation of gay parents.
Seeing Ourselves, Educating Others
Media representations of LGBTQ parents date back over four decades. ABC’s That Certain Summer (1972) was the first television movie to feature a gay father coming out to his teenage son. Jane Severance’s 1979 book, When Megan Went Away, was the first in the U.S. to depict a same-sex relationship, but it was Lesléa Newman’s 1989 classic, Heather Has Two Mommies, that captured significant attention, portraying a joyful two-mom family. Michael Willhoite’s Daddy’s Roommate (1990) was the first children’s book to feature a gay dad, and it wasn’t until 2008 that a book featuring a transgender character, 10,000 Dresses by Marcus Ewert, was published.
Marriage Rights and Parenting Rights
In recent years, opponents of marriage equality frequently argued that children needed both a mother and a father, claiming that legalizing same-sex marriage would mandate the teaching of “homosexuality” in schools. This fear played a significant role in the passage of California’s Proposition 8 in 2008. However, LGBTQ advocates turned this narrative around through visibility and reputable social science research, ultimately leading the U.S. Supreme Court to cite children’s well-being in its rulings on marriage equality in 2013 and 2015. In June 2017, the Supreme Court affirmed in Pavan v. Smith that marriage equality guarantees both parents in a same-sex couple the right to be recognized on their children’s birth certificates.
The legalization of same-sex marriage also allowed couples to adopt in states that previously prohibited unmarried couples from doing so. Nevertheless, several states have since enacted “religious freedom” laws, enabling child care agencies to discriminate against LGBTQ individuals in adoption and foster care.
Looking Back to Move Forward
The history of LGBTQ parenting encompasses a wealth of stories yet to be told, particularly regarding transgender and bisexual parents, who often faced misidentification or erasure. There is also a need for more research into queer parenting through the lens of diverse racial, ethnic, and religious backgrounds.
Exploring the past reveals many historical figures under the queer umbrella—such as the poet Sappho from 600 BCE, Oscar Wilde, and jazz musician Billy Tipton. Did their queerness influence their parenting? How did parenthood shape their identities? As we reflect on our history and the journey toward parenthood, we must also ask how to celebrate these stories in ways that resonate with our children today.
For individuals considering home insemination, resources like Make a Mom offer innovative solutions, including the only reusable option, while Vegas Pregnancy provides a helpful sperm donor matching service in Las Vegas. Additionally, this blog post explores the journey to parenthood after a miscarriage, and NHS offers useful insights into IVF and home insemination. For a supportive network, Modern Family Blog is a valuable resource.
Summary
The historical journey of LGBTQ parenting reveals significant milestones and struggles, from early custody battles and the establishment of legal rights to community support initiatives and representation in media. As we reflect on these achievements, it’s vital to continue advocating for inclusive resources and support systems for LGBTQ families today.