Ah, the notorious title of “fun parent.” My reputation as the “not-so-fun” parent kicked off when my kids were still in diapers. After long weeks filled with on-demand breastfeeding, diaper disasters, toddler tantrums, and naps that seemed to vanish in an instant, I desperately needed a break from my two lively daughters. Enter Saturday mornings, when my amazing husband, Mark, would swoop in and whisk the kids away for some adventure. “Come on, girls! Let’s go have some fun!” he’d cheer.
When Mark peeled the clingy, sobbing 3-year-old off my leg and carried the baby out the door for a day packed with excitement, it meant I was finally getting some much-needed alone time. But it also meant that staying home with mom was anything but a blast. And honestly? I wasn’t that much fun either—and deep down, I knew it. While I adore my girls to bits and often feel overwhelmed with joy because of them, the day-to-day grind of parenting had me feeling like a cranky zombie. A recent study in the American Sociology Review confirmed it: moms enjoy spending time with their kids less than dads, largely because we tend to juggle more “work” and less of the “fun” parenting tasks.
There’s not much joy in whipping up multiple meals only to see them flung to the floor by a disgruntled toddler. The mere thought of tackling laundry felt like a Herculean task. Nursing a 4-month-old while my 3-year-old demanded, “Put the baby down!” could bring me to tears. And getting ready for any outing? It could take an hour—especially if the baby had a blowout right before we left. I was running on empty.
By the time the weekend rolled around, I honestly didn’t care who got to wear the “fun” hat. All I wanted was a shower and a few minutes of peace. I craved time to recharge, gather my thoughts, and enjoy an uninterrupted cup of coffee more than I needed to prove my fun side to the girls. I was just trying to survive.
Those few kid-free hours each weekend did wonders for me. But by Monday morning, I was back to being the stressed-out, un-fun parent as my daughters spun around me like tornadoes. I didn’t like this version of myself. I used to be fun! I could dance until dawn, do shots with bartenders, and hop in my trusty old car for spontaneous road trips. Okay, maybe that version of fun was hard to tap into as a 30-something mom, but I was ready to adapt. However, Mark had already claimed the title of Mayor of Funville, so if I wasn’t the fun parent, then what kind of parent was I?
Reflecting on it now, the answer is clear. After my solo mornings, I was all ears when the girls returned home, bubbling with stories about their escapades. I listened with excitement or empathy, soaking up every detail, wanting to be part of their experiences. My daughters began to see me as their confidante, their safe haven, the warm center of their universe. If Mark is the one they ski with, ride bikes with, and splash around the pool with, then I’m the one they come home to.
Before entering motherhood, I had no clue how much it would transform me. I didn’t realize I’d have to set aside parts of myself out of necessity or fatigue, or because my kids needed something else from me. I didn’t intend to tuck my fun side away, but life happened. When Mark naturally took on the role of the fun parent, it allowed me to find my niche as the Home Base Parent.
Now, my girls are transitioning into their teen and tween years, and their younger sister is 5. As they’ve matured, so has our connection. Parenting adolescents and a kindergartner is no walk in the park, but I strive to embody my role. My daughters often come to me with their serious questions and complex feelings, seeking comfort and support. I absorb their big emotions and help ease their little frustrations. That bond is irreplaceable, and I wouldn’t trade it for all the fun in the world.
Meanwhile, Mark remains the fun one, but as the girls spend more time with their friends, he has a little less on his plate. Fortunately, he has a knack for bringing out my own fun side too, so don’t be shocked if you spot me dancing on tables at a bar one of these days!
In conclusion, parenting is a balancing act, and it’s perfectly okay to embrace different roles. Whether you’re the fun parent or the steady home base, what matters most is the love and connection you foster with your kids.