When I first started my teaching journey, I envisioned having six kids of my own. However, stepping into the chaotic world of education—witnessing how children are treated and the shortcomings of the system—made me reconsider. I held the belief that teachers are responsible for educating students, regardless of challenges posed by parents, administrators, or even the students themselves. It became clear that genuine, impactful teaching is impossible when the educational environment is undermined by adults who don’t value the effort of dedicated educators.
After a decade of working with children, I still find it challenging to share my thoughts on what kids need. I have seen firsthand the fallout from the parenting styles of the past, particularly from the ’70s and ’80s, which often led to unnecessary struggles for children. Influenced by a diverse array of thinkers—from Joss Whedon to Brené Brown—I believe that raising great, independent, and brave kids starts with transforming how we parent. Here are seven strategies that can help reshape your parenting approach:
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Confront Your Own Issues
Acknowledge and address your personal challenges before becoming a parent. Many religious teachings recommend counseling prior to making such a significant commitment. Children often mirror their parents’ emotional struggles, and it’s essential to be aware of these patterns. For instance, my own parents faced financial difficulties, and I learned both positive and negative money management skills from them. -
View Your Children as Individuals, Not Property
You are entrusted with the responsibility to guide and nurture your children, not to control or manipulate them as if they were possessions. Remember, no one enjoys feeling like an object. This mindset can lead to rebellion and resentment. -
Respect Their Bodies
As children grow, it’s crucial to recognize them as young individuals. Society often treats bodies with fear and obsession, leading to negative self-image issues. Adults must learn to respect their own bodies first to teach children the importance of self-acceptance and understanding. Help them appreciate their unique bodies and the joy that comes from loving themselves. -
Encourage Independence Through Risk-Taking
Don’t underestimate your children’s capabilities. As John Taylor Gatto points out, childhood ends sooner than we realize. By encouraging kids to take on challenges, you help them build confidence. I remember when my parents sent me away for a pre-med program at 15; it taught me valuable life skills that aided my independence later on. -
Embrace Failure as a Learning Tool
In today’s society, we often shield kids from failure, but experiencing setbacks is crucial for building resilience. Let your children face challenges without immediately stepping in to save them. They will learn to adapt and grow from their experiences. -
Be Honest About Finances
Involve your children in discussions about household income and budgeting. If they show an interest in money, it’s time for them to understand its value and contribute to the household. Teaching them about financial responsibility from a young age will prepare them for adulthood. -
Maintain Parental Authority, Not Friendship
Your role as a parent is to guide, not to be a buddy. Allowing children to make mistakes and solve their problems fosters independence and confidence. Remember, kids will learn more from overcoming challenges than from being bailed out every time.
As I co-parent my nine grandchildren, I find that flexibility is key. No single strategy works for every child, and adapting to their needs is essential.
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Summary:
Raising resilient and independent children requires thoughtful parenting strategies. By addressing personal issues, respecting children’s individuality, encouraging risk-taking, and being transparent about finances, you can foster a nurturing environment. Remember, it’s essential to maintain parental authority while allowing children the space to grow and learn from their experiences.