I’m far from the ideal mom. I strive to do my best, but like many other parents juggling careers and the chaos of everyday life, I often stumble. And as the parent of a child on the autism spectrum, some days I overlook our unique challenges because, let’s face it, this is the only life I’ve ever known. My heart swells with pride for my two amazing kids, who face the hurdles that come with being on the spectrum. They’re brilliantly navigating their journeys, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for them. Yet, there are days when the clouds of reality roll in, and I’m reminded that our challenges are distinct.
Weekends often come with their own plans. Those might include tackling household chores, visiting friends, catching a flick, dining out, or even shopping. As for me, I had aspirations to dive into some fiction writing post-cleaning. But as life would have it, things took a different turn.
While tidying up the kitchen, I suddenly heard my daughter, Mia, fussing in the next room. She was struggling with a game. Initially, I thought I had resolved her issue and returned to my cleaning. Soon enough, she was in full-on meltdown mode—crying and swatting at me in frustration.
To an outsider, this might look like a tantrum. But trust me, it’s not that simple.
Understanding Tantrums vs. Meltdowns
A tantrum typically arises when a child feels they haven’t gotten their way. They’re often aware of their anger and may act out as a way to express it. These outbursts can usually be managed with a bit of parental intervention.
A meltdown, however, is a different beast altogether. Now, I’m no expert, but I’ll share what I know as a parent of a child on the spectrum. A meltdown occurs when a child is overwhelmed by emotions or sensory experiences that they can no longer navigate. When this happens, they might feel frustrated, angry, and confused, unable to articulate their needs or calm themselves. This is not the time for discipline; that’s the knee-jerk reaction many parents might have.
From my experience, the key is getting my child to a place where they can start to regain control over their feelings and environment. This often means diverting their attention away from what triggered the meltdown. Solutions can include moving to a quieter space, wrapping them in a comforting blanket, speaking softly, or even counting down from 20 together.
With Mia, I’ve discovered a blend of strategies works best. It’s not just about removing the source of the meltdown; she needs to see that I’m calm too. If I show frustration, it amplifies her distress.
So, today, I spoke to her in a gentle, almost whispered tone. I assured her that I was there to help and encouraged her to focus on my voice. I reminded her that she had the power to calm down, and together we would get there. I held her close, wiped her tears, and shared a little joke to lighten the mood. I helped her change her shirt, claiming that wearing her favorite palm tree tee would bring good vibes since “palm trees grow in sunny, happy places, and sunny, happy places make for sunny, happy faces.” She smiled, and I wiped away the last of her tears.
We then counted down from 20, and as we reached one, I enthusiastically declared, “Blast off!” She jumped off my lap, looking brighter than before. When I asked if she felt better, she simply said, “Better.”
I’m no expert; I learned all this through trial and error, like many parents do. The journey can be tough and is unique for every child. Creativity and adaptability are essential. There are countless techniques and theories out there—experiment to find what resonates best with your child.
My Nuggets of Wisdom
- Read as much as you can.
- Educate yourself.
- Immerse yourself in your child’s world if you want them to navigate yours.
- Patience is vital; parenting isn’t a cakewalk.
- Most importantly: love them, because that’s what they truly need—unconditional love.
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In summary, distinguishing between tantrums and meltdowns is crucial for effective parenting, especially in the context of autism. Understanding these differences can lead to better responses and help foster a nurturing environment for your child.