Let’s Have a Chat About Dads, Anxiety, and Depression

home insemination Kit

About four months ago, I hit a wall at work and had to call it a day early. I’m employed by a Division I athletics program, where I run summer bridge programs for new student athletes. These initiatives are designed to ease the transition from high school to college and are incredibly demanding—think of them as a high-intensity boot camp. Once the last one wrapped up, I had to dive headfirst into preparing for the fall term. Somewhere in that whirlwind, I just short-circuited.

I walked into my boss’s office and confessed that I was done. I simply couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve always been the “yes” guy in the office, believing that working harder could solve any issue. In the past, this mindset worked in my favor. But at that moment, I realized I had pushed past an emotional threshold I didn’t even know existed.

My boss, a genuinely compassionate woman, told me to go home—not as a punishment, but out of concern for my well-being. When my partner, Sarah, got home, she found me curled up in bed. I’m the main provider for our three kids, while Sarah works part-time at their school. I won’t claim my life is more stressful than hers; it’s just different. I have immense respect for the work she puts in daily, and I do everything I can to give her a breather.

But when Sarah entered the room, I nearly broke down. Now, I’m not one to shed tears easily—my father passed away without a tear being shed from me. It’s not that I wasn’t grieving; I just couldn’t find the tears. But at that moment, seeing Sarah made me feel like a failure. I was anxious and depressed, fully aware that my family relied on me. The weight of my obligation to provide felt crushing. I was caught between the need to pull myself together for work and the suffocating fear of letting down the people I cherish most.

When she asked what was wrong, I told her it was more complicated than losing my job. Then I mustered the courage to ask her to hold me. As she cuddled next to me, I began to gather my thoughts. Eventually, I opened up about the overwhelming stress and expectations I felt—expectations I wasn’t sure I could meet. I felt weak and pathetic, questioning why I couldn’t be strong enough to manage work and family life.

We talked about backup plans in case I did lose my job, and I scheduled an appointment with a therapist, which led to ongoing visits and some much-needed lifestyle adjustments. What I didn’t realize until later is that approximately 30.6% of men experience depression at some point in their lives. The CDC reports that the suicide rate among American men is roughly four times greater than that of women. Women may attempt suicide more often, but men are tragically more successful at it.

As a man, I can honestly say that the toughest part of grappling with depression and anxiety is admitting it. Acknowledging the symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression is incredibly difficult, especially when work and family pressures amplify them. The truth is, despite my love for my wife and children, fatherhood and marriage have posed some of the most formidable challenges in my life. I can manage it, but there are days when the stress is overwhelming, and without proper support, these moments can tip a devoted father over the edge.

This all stems from the stigma surrounding mental illness. When you combine that with societal pressure to “man up,” it creates a barrier for those already struggling. We need to normalize conversations about mental health, ensuring that fathers feel safe sharing their struggles and emotions. We are not there yet; if we were, I would have felt much more comfortable reaching out for help long before I reached my breaking point.

If you’re interested in more discussions around family and mental health, check out our other blog posts here.

In closing, it’s vital to understand that caring for your mental health is just as crucial as providing for your family.