Finding and nurturing our true passions is a topic that resonates deeply with me. I firmly believe that mothers, in particular, often get caught in the trap of living lives devoid of passion, settling for far less than what truly fuels their souls. We adapt to the relentless cycle of burnout, stress, and emptiness, making this our so-called “normal.”
In the hustle and bustle of motherhood, we make countless small sacrifices that chip away at our identities, leaving very little room for the things that make us unique beyond being a mom. Our commitment to our children is commendable, but what do we lose along the way?
You are meant to live with fervor and joy, especially in your role as a mother. After all, how will your children learn the beauty of a rich and fulfilling life if you don’t model it for them? Yet, many of us stifle our passions, dismiss grand dreams, and abandon the pursuit of purpose once we become moms. We convince ourselves that being a mother is sufficient. Over time, we let go of hobbies or dreams and focus more on nurturing others rather than ourselves. It seems like the job demands it.
Initially, this shift feels unsettling and stressful. But before long, it becomes second nature to live with a sense of emptiness and dissatisfaction. We become accustomed to this feeling, believing it’s a permanent fixture in our lives. After all, motherhood is a full-time job, right? Who has the time to ponder life’s bigger questions? That kind of introspection feels complicated and messy. It’s easier to keep our heads down and push forward, juggling jobs, partners, friendships, doctor’s appointments, and meal prep. Pursuing our own interests feels selfish—what if it detracts from our presence with our kids or our dedication to work?
But eventually, we start to miss the things we once cherished—like quiet time, exercise, or even a hot cup of coffee. We may feel resentful about what we’ve sacrificed, leading us to desperately seek out a “work-life balance” to bring order back into the chaos. Yet, we find ourselves feeling exhausted and unfulfilled, believing we’re failures for not being able to achieve everything we want. We chase the elusive notion that if we just find the right balance, we can finally meet everyone’s needs, including our own.
Let me tell you, cramming everything into your schedule and trying to excel at all of it is a recipe for frustration. The harder you strive to do it all, the more likely you are to fall short. Instead of recognizing that perhaps our approach needs a rethink, we often blame ourselves for not measuring up to our own unrealistic standards. We find ourselves caught in a never-ending quest for balance.
I’m not against work-life balance tools—I genuinely believe that learning new strategies can be beneficial. However, our fixation on creating balance often stems from a desire to escape feelings of inadequacy, and sometimes we go about it the wrong way.
Take, for instance, Jenna, an advocate for young girls in tech. She passionately argues for teaching girls the value of bravery over perfection. She highlights how, from a young age, girls are conditioned to avoid risks or mistakes, fearing judgment or rejection. This pursuit of perfection seeps into our lives, leading us to judge ourselves and other women against standards that are impossible to meet. We scroll through social media, convinced that everyone else has it figured out—after all, they look so happy on Instagram, right?
I often feel like I’m the only one struggling to find a workable balance, but the truth is, I’m not really after balance; I’m searching for superhuman abilities to stretch my day from 24 hours to 48. I want to be able to function without sleep or food so I can finally feel accomplished. The real issue is that I’ve sidelined myself.
When there’s so much on our plates, it’s easy to ignore our own needs. But that’s how we lose sight of balance in the first place. We neglect the very foundation of our existence—our connection to our inner selves, the joy and purpose that sustain us. Then, we’re left bewildered when everything starts to crumble.
You won’t find true balance or shake off those nagging feelings of disappointment until you prioritize your passions—the activities that light you up and give you purpose beyond being a mom. This is the paradox of motherhood: by nourishing your soul, you become a better, more fulfilled person. It’s not selfish; it’s an audacious act of love. Remember, while motherhood is a lifelong role, its demands will evolve. If you tie your entire identity to your children, everyone involved will feel the strain. It’s crucial to discover interests outside of parenting for both your sake and theirs.
This is a daunting task for many moms. We’re so attuned to our families’ needs that we often silence our own desires for joy and fulfillment. It takes time, practice, and commitment to reawaken that inner voice.
For me, this journey began with a simple weekly yoga class, which felt downright indulgent. I almost canceled numerous times, but I went anyway. To my surprise, the world didn’t end. My family thrived without me for an hour, and I felt rejuvenated and alive for the first time in months.
I discovered that by “selfishly” taking that yoga class, I was closer to uncovering my purpose than I ever was by obsessing over my lack of direction. I needed to show myself that joy was worth pursuing before I could even begin to discern what my true passions were.
I encourage you, dear friend, to do the same. Acknowledge that part of you yearning for delight and listen closely when it says, “You’re onto something!” Embrace it—even when it feels strange or like a waste of time. Trust this inner voice; it will guide you to extraordinary places.