To the Women Who Have Been Called ‘Too Much’

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“Are you always this loud?”
“I think you’re being a bit aggressive.”
“You’re acting a little crazy.”
“Could you tone it down?”
“That’s not very ladylike.”
“You seem a bit unfriendly.”

I’ve heard it all. Too loud, too excitable, too aggressive, too sensitive—yes, I can be all those things, but I refuse to accept that I’m “too” anything. The real issue for some is that I’m a woman who speaks her mind. I don’t sugarcoat my words with endless apologies or disclaimers like, “I’m sorry to bother you, but…” or “I don’t mean to sound harsh, but…” I’m not unkind, but I won’t sidestep issues just to fit a mold of what’s deemed polite. The patriarchy can take a hike.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been told I “talk like a man.” And no, it’s not just my colorful vocabulary—they mean I express myself clearly and assertively. I share my thoughts, feelings, and opinions openly. I’m not here to bully anyone into conversation, but I won’t sit quietly when I feel slighted or deserve better. If I want a raise, I’ll ask. If you’ve hurt my feelings, I’ll tell you how and why, so we can move forward. Why is being straightforward considered a “masculine” trait? It’s high time we stop attributing these qualities to gender. When a woman exhibits them, she’s labeled “bitchy” or “pushy.” Sure, I can be those things (who can’t?), especially when faced with stereotypes, but that doesn’t define me any more than my imperfections define anyone else.

I’m not too bold or too loud or too aggressive; I’m simply passionate. Passionate about everything from raising my incredible kids to advocating for social justice, to finding the perfect cup of coffee on the West Coast (shoutout to Stumptown!). I care deeply about intersectionality, feminism, equal rights, and parental leave. (The patriarchy doesn’t like it when women are passionate—because guess what? Passionate women get things done!)

Since childhood, I’ve been told to “calm down” or “relax.” It took ages for me to realize those were not my burdens to bear. I used to feel self-conscious about being too loud, too awkward, or too hyper. But then I grew up and realized those qualities allowed me to be heard, to achieve my goals, and to make others laugh. And you know what? I love making people laugh. I’m not “too hyper;” I’m witty and sarcastic. I’m not “too loud;” I’m bold and brave.

And let me be clear: I will not calm down. Don’t even think about suggesting it. Pursuing your passions means charging forward with full force. I refuse to let anyone belittle me for the qualities I proudly own. If you tell me to calm down with a condescending tone, I’ll simply tell you to take a hike. (Remember, I communicate “like a man.”) I can’t stay calm and dismantle the patriarchy simultaneously, so changing who I am is out of the question—and honestly, I don’t want to.

The stereotype of women being “crazy” or “too emotional”? That’s an old tale. When women express feelings—whether joy, anger, or sadness—the world loves to shut us down, labeling us as “hysterical” or “overly emotional.” We must stop letting the world silence us! Sure, we might be emotional, but there’s a mountain of reasons to be emotional right now. The world is a complex place, and there’s so much to improve for our children.

So, as we work to dismantle the patriarchy, let’s embrace our emotions. It’s healthy and cathartic—nothing to be ashamed of. I won’t bottle up my feelings to appear more composed. I wear my heart on my sleeve nowadays, and I don’t care what anyone thinks about that. If that’s “too much” for someone, they can find the nearest exit or hit the unfriend button.

So, ladies, if you’re nodding along with me, know this: you are not “too much.” Don’t let your partners, friends, family, or colleagues hold you back. Society might want you to believe you’re an outlier, but you’re really just rising up to be your authentic self, demanding change, and saying, “not anymore.” Don’t let the patriarchy bring you down. Stay passionate. Stay loud. Persist. The world needs you now more than ever.

Solidarity.

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