Hey there, my love!

I’m so glad you found a moment to chat during your business trip. Sorry I missed your earlier call; I couldn’t hear my phone over the delightful chaos here. Just a typical sibling spat—no injuries this time! Thank goodness, too, because the kids decided to use all the Band-Aids as stickers while I was, ahem, attending to some “personal hygiene,” if you catch my drift.

Sightseeing Adventures

What’s that? You’re already finished with your meetings for the day? And now it’s time for sightseeing? That’s fantastic! I wish I could join you. Honestly, I think the only time I’ve left the house since you’ve been away was for school drop-offs and pick-ups. Oh, except for yesterday when I had to brave the torrential rain to get to the store. One of the kids thought it was a good idea to pour his own cereal while I was busy handling a diaper situation. Spoiler alert: it didn’t end well.

Hotel Room and Views

By the way, I got those pictures of your hotel room. Wow, it looks swanky! You should see our view this morning—our neighbor’s trash can blew over, and let’s just say there’s a lot of “interesting” stuff in there. Is that giant hotel bed as cozy as it seems? I can only imagine how lonely it must feel all by itself. I had a bit of a sleepover last night with a couple of kids and the dog, so I definitely had company, even if I did get kicked in the face a couple of times!

Dinner Delights

Oh, and the photos of your business dinner looked scrumptious. I would’ve sent you a picture of my dinner, but let’s be real—reheated pork roast isn’t exactly Instagram-worthy. The kids weren’t impressed either, which is why we’re having ramen noodles tonight. At least we share one dinner staple—wine! Yours probably isn’t from a box, though. Heh.

Was that lobster and filet mignon I saw? I couldn’t quite tell with all that fancy candlelight reflecting off the silverware. Or maybe it was because the kids accidentally smashed my glasses during their wrestling match. Speaking of accidents, I hope you were serious about getting a new TV because ours now has a crack in it.

Surviving the Chaos

Did your dress clothes survive the trip without wrinkling? Good! I’m relieved because it seems the baby has caught some kind of stomach bug. I never realized one tiny human could produce so much mess! Luckily, I don’t have to go anywhere—unless we run out of milk again.

Your meetings sound a bit dull? Want to hear the latest around here? Well, laundry is “caught up!” Okay, it’s clean, at least. I still need to fold it, but then one of the kids came in crying because he tried to turn his bubble gum into a mustache-scarf, and it got stuck in his hair. That took a solid 15 minutes to sort out. No, I have no idea where he got the gum!

More Adventures

Oh! I caught the toddler trying to put a screw in his ear. Thankfully, I was walking by to throw some trash away. It’s crazy around here! And you might want to forget about those pork rinds you bought; they’re half-digested and sadly soaking into the carpet courtesy of our dog. I’m still trying to figure out how she got those. One of the kids must have fed them to her while I was cleaning up a mountain of peppercorns that someone dumped on the kitchen floor while trying to reach the marshmallows in the pantry. No one will admit it, of course.

Plans for the Day

Time for sightseeing? Enjoy your day! I have some thrilling plans too—like catching a new episode of Paw Patrol! It’s a bummer watching it through a cracked screen, but at least it’ll give me half an hour to sort through the kids’ schoolwork before bath time. Guilt trip? Me? Well, maybe just a smidge. But hey, I’m not going on any exciting trips unless you count the milk runs in the rain with all the kids.

I can’t wait to see you when you get back! I know you’ll miss the lap of luxury once you return to the wonderful chaos of home. Love you tons!

Resources

If you want to know more about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource at womenshealth.gov. And for more insights into self-insemination kits, visit Make a Mom. Also, remember to review our terms at Intracervical Insemination.

Summary:

A loving wife shares the chaotic daily life with her husband on a business trip, filled with humorous anecdotes about the kids and household mishaps while expressing her longing for his return.