My Marriage is Crumbling, But I Refuse to Let Valentine’s Day Bring Me Down

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This Valentine’s Day marks a rather poignant moment for me. My husband of 14 years, whom I’ll call Jake, reached out for the first time on this special day. Unfortunately, I wasn’t available to take his call. Instead, I was indulging in steak, chocolates, and lemon cookies at my mom’s house with my two single sisters.

When I returned home that night and checked his message, I barely recognized his voice. I had only met Jake once, but I remembered him fondly, especially as he was curious about my plans for the evening. It was just after 10 PM—plenty early enough for a casual call from someone in their 20s. Without hesitation, I dialed his number.

We chatted for hours and ended up making plans to hang out with friends a couple of days later. I was so excited that I had trouble sleeping for two nights! Even though we didn’t have an official date on Valentine’s Day, we always treated it like our anniversary during our dating days. It felt so much more thrilling than celebrating two days later after the romance of the holiday had faded.

That was the beginning of our journey together. After just three dates, we decided to be exclusive, and within a month, we were in love. Jake met my entire family that Easter, and we spent every weekend together for two years before he moved in. We canoeed, dined at upscale restaurants, went camping, and even skinny-dipped. Three years later, we got engaged, bought a house, and tied the knot. Three months into our marriage, we were expecting our first child, followed by two more in quick succession.

Fast forward to 17 years later, and here we are, on the verge of divorce, clinging to remnants of what once was, both questioning if there’s anything left to save. Valentine’s Day has always held a special significance for us, but the joy of celebrating it has faded alongside many aspects of our marriage. What once was a meticulously planned occasion has devolved into hurried dinners after putting the kids to bed. This year, we’ll each spend the day alone.

Yet, I refuse to let sadness creep in. I won’t mourn a day about love. I cherish it far too much. Valentine’s Day reminds me of those little candy hearts with sweet messages and the countless hours I spent crafting cards for classmates back in elementary school. I’ve always loved this holiday, thanks to my mom, who made it special by preparing candlelit dinners, even when she was going through her own divorce.

It also brings back memories of that fateful night Jake called me and how it marked the start of something incredible. Yet, driving home from a delightful evening with my two favorite women, I felt happy and content as a single person. I have so much to be grateful for now, even more than I did back then.

I have no urge to destroy my husband’s belongings or drown my sorrows in a pint of chocolate ice cream. Sure, I’ve had those emotions before, but not this Valentine’s Day. I’m excited to spend the day with my kids, just as I would if I had a romantic evening planned. We’re going out for Chinese food, and I’ll be picking up little candy treats wrapped in red tissue paper. I won’t hesitate to spoil myself with flowers and chocolate because I enjoy them, and I’ll appreciate them just as much as if they were from someone else.

I refuse to feel sorrow this Valentine’s Day, even with my marriage in turmoil. There’s an abundance of love to be found, especially the self-love I need this year more than ever. If you’re interested in more insights on family and relationships, check out this informative piece on family-building options.