I get it. The title is provocative. It likely drew you in, hoping it would align with your own beliefs. You might be eager to declare, “I’m pro-life” or “I’m pro-choice.” After reading this, you may feel differently, and that’s okay. My aim isn’t to sway your opinion; I simply want to share my story from a very personal perspective.
First and foremost, I want to express that I’m scared. As I write this, my heart races. I’ve never felt so vulnerable sharing my truth. The pressure of public opinion has kept me silent, but now I feel compelled to speak out about my experience—an experience filled with prayer, tears, and a haunting fear of judgment. I refuse to hide any longer; I want to break free.
On June 30, 2021, my husband and I faced devastating news: our baby was diagnosed with severe hydrops. This was not a straightforward case. I was only 16 weeks along, and the prognosis was grim; the doctors were at a loss. My son was accumulating fluid, crushing his organs—his brain, lungs, heart, and stomach were all at risk. In just a week, his heartbeat dropped from 153 bpm to 135 bpm. My doctor admitted he had never seen such a severe case so early in a pregnancy, and two other specialists confirmed the disheartening news: “Your baby is dying.”
That day was shrouded in darkness. I felt hollow, consumed by grief for a child I desperately wanted and loved. I scoured the internet in search of solutions, prayed fervently, and cried until I felt empty. I isolated myself, wrestling with emotions I never anticipated.
And then, the word I feared the most emerged: termination. Abortion. It was a term I had vowed never to consider, yet here it was, looming over me. My doctors couldn’t recommend it directly, but their body language spoke volumes. One physician even handed me a list of clinics, while another urged me to carry my baby until nature took its course, warning that I would regret choosing abortion.
I am a Christian. I am a partner. I am a mom. I sought guidance through prayer, researched every possibility, and consulted my husband. Ultimately, I made what I believed was the best decision for my baby.
Due to the stringent abortion laws in Texas, I found myself packed up and driving five hours to Albuquerque, New Mexico. Just a week after learning my baby was dying, I was leaving my support system to face this harrowing reality. I was terrified, yet a strange sense of peace washed over me, knowing what I had to do.
I was sent to unfamiliar doctors, staying in a hotel far from home, all while saying goodbye to a child I would never hold. Why? Because inducing labor at 17 weeks is classified as an abortion in Texas, which is, apparently, a crime against nature. It felt profoundly wrong to deny relief to both my child and myself.
Sharing this story terrifies me. I fear backlash, judgment, and being labeled as “selfish” or “murderous.” My heart aches daily—not from regret, but from the profound loss of my son, just like anyone grieving a pregnancy loss.
Some individuals live on life support, sustained by hope. My cousin was one of those kids; he battled brain cancer and eventually had to be taken off life support. I view my experience similarly—I was the life-support for my baby, who would never have been able to breathe or thrive outside of me. I made the choice to “pull the plug” on a life that had no quality left.
I can’t identify as pro-life after this experience. I’m grateful I had the option to make this choice. I cannot fathom a world where someone in my situation is denied the right to choose. Conversely, I am not pro-choice either; I struggle to understand how someone could choose to terminate a healthy pregnancy. It breaks my heart.
I believe that God has equipped people with the skills and knowledge to address complex medical situations. When it comes to difficult choices, we need empathy rather than judgment. You never know what struggles someone else is facing.
So, before you unleash hurtful comments about mothers who choose abortion, remember we are all humans navigating our own challenges.
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination options, you can check out our post on intracervical insemination. For those curious about the process, Make a Mom offers invaluable resources on at-home insemination kits. Also, Healthline provides excellent information on pregnancy and related topics.
In summary, my experience has left me heartbroken and unable to align completely with either side of the abortion debate. I hope my story fosters understanding and compassion, regardless of where you stand.